#1

 One post last year? And only after the passing of dad..

I came back here because this blog just always reminds me of my beloved girls. 

I love you ♥️ I don’t reach out nor I ask about your life because… I feel like I can’t handle it.. I deserve it if you hate me or just don’t care about my existence. 

It has been long since I paid a visit to your IGs to see what’s up. 

We have always been in different worlds and I always tag along but I really enjoy both of your presence. 

If I’m not invited to your weddings, then I’m fine with it, as I’ve never been in your life for so many years. 

Know that the most important thing is I wish all the best in the world for both of you, that you don’t fall into the pit of darkness in love like I did. 

I guess I was wrong. I love you. I thought I don’t know what love is. 

Here I am getting all sappy. I wish you both well.

#1

Bismillah. I came here, to write. I’ve been writing on my telegram diary. But I guess when I’ve come to my senses, this blog came to mind.

I literally forgot I’ve talked about Al here in 2024, and in DECEMBER. Update? It’s not going so well. 

But that’s not what I want to tell you… it’s about my life and my parents.

17th July 2025, 5:58am, it happened.

Honestly, for now, for me to earn more money as in side hustle, it’s from live streaming. But then as per usual, when I lost someone or something, I just don’t have the heart to live every day or as often… sejak ayah sakit memang dah jarang live. Just like I told mom, “Hati rasa tak senang”.

FYP aku lalu tentang ibu atau bapa sakit tapi anak kerja apa?

Tentang ibu atau bapa sakit cancer dan telah pergi…

Adakah aku malas? 

I refuse to believe so. Because I am working for WUSVUS and constantly updating my ML. Like maybe 24/7 work on ML. I know I’m getting older, like what about my gaming skills, yakno? That’s why I need to stay relevant to the game, so that I can constantly have new people to join me and support me, and I can get help from them, and I don’t mind.

If that’s how it is, then be it. I am content of my life here in kampung. It is my dream since I was in school to live in kampung even at young age. Teman mak kat kampung, jaga cinta hati ayah. Cuba kalau aku tak kahwin dulu? Aku kerja audit, dapat ke aku duduk kampung? Pastu mak atau ayah takde, diorang duduk sorang-sorang ke? Tak dapat peluang macam ni. 

Aku selalu pandang rendah kat diri sendiri, tapi mak selalu positif. Aku pun patut bersyukur..

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

#2

Bismillah. I’ve been praying for someone. And I’ve been praying for him for almost a year. 

But now after we’ve come an agreement, I hope the nikmat nikah nanti tak hilang. I pray Allah jaga aku dan dia for each other… when we are always astray. 

I don’t want the same thing to happen again. Will I lose my feelings I feel for him?

Oh Allah. Guide us to the right path. Protect us from our own nafs. 

#1

Being single should be a flex. I mean, why do you want to be proud that you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend whom are not halal to you? How can you be so proud to have a haram relationship? 

Because it’s the norm nowadays yes? Being single is “weird” yes?

All the good halal things are seen as weird. 

And all the haram things are seen as normal. 

And all I want is to have a spouse to live and work together for Jannah. 

Oh Allah. 

#11

Video tunjuk perempuan makan aiskrim. Memang takde nampak dia sengaja nak buat in a negative way. Tapi walau manusia, wanita itu fitnah. Awak budak kecik pun orang boleh fikir macam macam. Seeloknya tak perlu tunjuk video makan atau kunyah atau nak jilat aiskrim. 

Orang bekap dia, “dia makan aiskrim je kan?” “Tu pun salah ke”

Tak salah. Tapi elakkan lah fitnah :)

#10

I hate it when I scroll socmed then I saw an interesting post of a relationship that I’d love to have then I dwell on how I crave for it then I hate that it doesn’t happen to me

Like SIS WAKE UP CLOSE THE APP CLICK NOT INTERESTED. 

YOUR LIFE IS ALREADY BEAUTIFUL.

Like fr. Internet somehow destroy people because we know too much too easy. I see that a long time ago.