#508

"One of the most prominent distinguishing features of the Muslim woman is her deep faith in Allah (SWT), and her sincere conviction that whatever happens in this universe, and whatever fate befalls human beings, only happens through the will and decree of Allah (SWT); whatever befalls a person could not have been avoided, and whatever does not happen to a person could not have been made to happen. A person has no choice in this life but to strive towards the right path and to do good deeds - acts of worship and other acts - by whatever means one can, putting all his trust in Allah (SWT), submitting to His will, and believing that he is always in need of Allah's (SWT) help and support."

(quoted from  "The Ideal Muslimah", by Dr. Muhammad Ali al-Hashimi)

#507

So the other company has mainly women. And I just heard them happily and loudly greeting their friend entering the room. So I thought, I would have a nervous breakdown if I was the friend. Just because I’m not close to them... 

I think I would still accept it and no nervousness occurs if it were my college friends. Well the thing here is, I’m just not good at making friends. Maybe I don’t want new friends. Shrugs. 

#506

As usual I have Tuesday blues. But after I had a mug of Dfolia, I felt like I need to work. The feeling emphasizes even more when I entered a grab car on the way to work. 

And I was thinking that, the pay doesn’t motivate me much. Not because of the amount. But because of the environment I have created for myself. 

I don’t talk much. It crossed my mind that it would be a huge blessing to be able to have conversations with people, particularly girls. 

To share that excitement, to share that disappointments etc 

My inner self is screaming so loud whenever they have conversations here. But I was just tongue tied. 

Who knew I would actually miss talking with girls? 

#505

27.10.2018 1:20pm pergi poslaju batu caves. Takde orang tengah queue pun. Mungkin waktu zohor waktu terbaik untuk pergi. Lagipun bukan ada festive pun kan. Orang tak banyak shopping haha

#504

I realise that no matter how you don't want to care about people's feelings (because you wouldn't mind on so many things), especially close ones, you still need to.

Life ain't that easy.

#503

It’s heart warming to have friends that keep their lives private. And instead of sharing photos to public (even if it’s a private profile), they share their photos (at least one photo) with you in text message like WhatsApp. It’s not about feeling special. It’s about respect. It’s heart warming. 

#502

It feels so satisfying listening to the sound of 'purchase successful' when you successfully install or purchased something on App Store. I always purposely unmute my phone to listen to that.

#501

Other than my husband, I am not sure who else are reading my blog lol

Anyway, I miss Twitter. I always say things there. But then my beloved account has been deleted. All my epic tweets, the ones I never thought of as I age, have gone. Poof!

Nevertheless, it's good that it's gone... for the better of myself. I need to keep reminding myself that that, is not everything.

#500

ALERT: THIS MESSAGE CONTAINS EXTREME NARCISSISM 

Atep, Pqa, Yoong Ern, and pakistan guy (who I can’t remember, I think kat Prestar) think I'm arab wow masyaaAllah

Asma thinks I'm mixed arab masyaaAllah

Then Ann (intern when job with Syila for Rev Asia) thought I used the thing to do my eyelashes masyaaAllah means my eyelashes looks pretty and lentik lol I used to wonder that and looked at myself, kening lentik ke. Then tengok, cam tak. So I let it go and didn't care about it til Ann said so wow 

Mak yong puji makin putih

Jiran depan mak cik karidah puji me so white

Had to post this. I was searching for this. I thought I’ve posted it on my blog but not yet. It was in my note only all along. 

#499

Do you really love your job? Do you look forward to everyday for work?
Or you just happen to have the knowledge and some skills, so you go for that line of work?
Just so you can pay the bills, or save some money to go somewhere, to buy something for yourself, either as a reward or as simply something you love to do?

What have you actually done and gained in the past three years in audit?

Or am I giving myself so less credit than I deserve, with all these questions?

Ah yes, you should not compare your achievements with others, but exactly, what have you achieved? Do you even have goals to be achieved?

Working 9-5 is not wrong. Stay, if you are comfortable. But do you feel like you want more? Challenges? Are you up to face the challenges?

Maybe you need a child to care for.

But what you already have now is a test for you. What do you actually do with all you already have?

#498

Oh Allah, please guide me to the right path, help me to fight the evil in me, fill my heart with happiness, love, and tranquility.

#497

Trust, faith, communication, love

#496

The waitress asked me, 'Kenapa sorang je kak?'
I was like, "Uhh, memang sorang je."
Then there was like 3-4 seconds, I went on, "Yang lain belum sampai lagi."
LOL way to go, Erin. I think she was referring to my husband. We went there together once late evening. But then I was alone for breakfast. So the question.

#495

When I thought they don't own or wear other than black on weekdays, I was wrong.

#494

I feel so affected by others' lives. For the fact that I miss out on many things. 

I am still young, yet I don't travel much. 

I am still young, yet I am not having the perfect job for myself. 

I am still young, yet I don't use myself to do good things. 

However I say all this, I am still stuck at one point. I have no vision, I have no mission. 

And so I feel like I'm just existing. And that's it. 

I feel like not knowing what others (friends and family) are doing would be the best thing for me. 

Maybe I enjoy life as such, as I don't have the choice. 

#493

Love isn’t something you can shove down someone’s heart. There’s only one way left - prayers.

- Madihahh

#492

I woke up feeling sad and shed a tear, because the times that have passed, you couldn’t get it back. 

This thought crossed my mind mainly because I couldn’t see my friends as I wish (even though I’m given freedom to). While they’re single and free and going out and about as they wish. 

After the talk with kak ya, I realise that things happen. You kinda need to let go of your need to meet your friends, even not on a regular basis. I realise that family is the closest. Easiest to meet too, insyaaAllah. I know my situation is different than kak ya’s. But I can take the good from her situation. 

Yet I know the closeness with my friends instead of siblings, makes the difference. Who else do I talk to in person. 

Maybe I’ll find my way back. 

#491

I become so nervous about starting work after five months being unemployed. Five months of stress-free of work... that I hate the feeling of nervous. I hate to bear it. I hate meeting new people, getting new environment and surrounding. The fact that I’d have 24 hours anxiety on whether to drive or grab a car. The fact that I have to text my employer. 

On the other hand, I still like new people, new environment, getting to work out my brain to good use, getting to use my specialty in accounting. Getting to work in photography/videography industry!!!!! And the fact that it’s near to our current home. And the fact that there are support in this house mainly on accounting stuff. 

Everything happens for a reason. I kinda miss this feeling of working. 

I know my negative side always want to back out. Always have no motivation to work again. But idk, this job feels like it could be something big. And I’m still young. So many things to explore. I should think about that. 

#490

Harini Ha tanya camne nak main Angela (role support, my specialty). Dia tanya build dan map-wise. Rasa terharu pulak. Sebab dia selalu role carry je (fighter/assassin mostly) 🤣

#489

❤️

#488

Lol I feel like a creep. I really track my customer’s parcel to make sure Poslaju doesn’t do shiz. Alhamdulillah so far semua cepat dapat. 

Now I’m just curious if customers on carousell would know if an item is unreserved and available, like a notification email if price for an item has reduced. Hm. Dah dua kali iols reserve unreserved ni. Takde rezeki lol kena banyak bersabar. 

Yang sorang customer ni even tengok reviews dia, promising. Tapi tak bayar bayar. Sorang lagi ni ada satu je review. Tapi promising gak sebab cod kat Rumah je la pastu nak transfer dulu etc. Tapi he didn’t turn up. I’m upset. Kot la tidur lambat ke apa tapi janji kena la tepati. Hormat masa orang. Tak dapat datang cakap. Selalu check apps tu kalau dah tahu tak dapat notification. 

Idk. Apa pun masalah kita, we should be responsible for wasting other’s time. (Cam tak kena je tapi harap faham lah apa nak disampaikan)

#487

Looll hari Sabtu memang akan penuh orang eh dekat Poslaju Batu Caves. Sebab dah la bukak sampai malam. Memang yang bekerja weekend akan pergi sini hari Sabtu. And I just knew sini tak jual flyers :( rugi rugiii. Tak tahu la akan restock flyers ke tak. 

Jadi tadi bila nak buat pengeposan, terpaksa beli prepaid Large which costs RM10.60 instead of my usual RM7.40... If I were to fold-roll the clothes, I didn’t need to buy Large sampul. Just Medium at least. 

But the good thing is I learnt how to use Poslaju Ezidrop. No need to queue. Usually you don’t need to queue but then since the Express Lane is closed, only normal lane is opened. 

Another lesson is that think of this as charity. Because you would have given your clothes to other people instead. So it’s okay, at least the sales price covered fuel and postage fees. 

I notice they hire pekerja buruh (Bangladeshi). I don’t think on weekdays they do. 

Well lesson learned!

So what I need to do next time:

• fold the clothes
• use my own sampul
• don’t post on Saturdays or don’t go at 11am ++
• if post on Saturdays, go early as early as 8am
• try to post on weekdays 

#486

Ukhuwah/friendship is so precious and beautiful. Seeing them giving surprises and whatnots, it feels like I’ve lost the chance to experience the beauty of ukhuwah. 

#485

Lol I also bought these really comfy cotton wideshawls. And what I see with my naked eyes is different with from the photo. Kinda pissed off. But then I tried taking a photo with natural lighting. And it turns out that they have the same colour. That’s good! But then I’m still disappointed because there are two different colours and two different photos where they claimed as the same. But whatever. I’m done with the colours. I almost have every colour from that collection lol. Gonna stop now. Must save money!!

Moss green photo sent through WhatsApp

Moss green photo on IG feed

A photo in my car with very good lighting 

See? The one on IG feed is so different even when I already asked if that colour is moss green. Lol

#484

Firetrap boots Preloved from carousell

So I tried it on memang longgar so best la. The feeling is the same with my previous brown boots. Puas hatiiii

But then 

Baru perasan ada pu leather dia dah terkupas. Nasib sikit je. So kasut ni maybe sempat untuk raya tapi for 3 years? Tak kot? My brown boots tu took 4 years to rot gila2 lol. And hanya pakai kalau nak g majlis. Bukan jalan jalan. 

Well idk maybe firetrap ni boleh tahan lagi lama? Who knows? I’ll try to keep it in good care. 

#483

I used to love watching Malay dramas especially from certain actors/actress. But then since sht got real, I despise it. I mean actually I still want to watch ‘cause it’s fun to watch but then it just hurts so much because every negative thing in those drama series is real. It happens in reality. And I just can’t. 

#482

It’s a feeling of betrayal, even for the most basic basis, friendship. And trust is far away. 

#481

I guess I destroyed my own life.

#480

May Allah accept your dua and bless you with his protections and guidance always and keep you safe always ❤️♥️❤️♥️❤️

#479

Today in KLIA shop named Kashkha I was greeted in English and she even proceeded with English along the way. I didn’t speak much... but I’m just assuming she thought I was a foreigner (Arab) which I’m flattered lol or maybe it’s just that’s their procedure in customer service. Because a face doesn’t define their language. So you needa be safe and use English as a start instead. 

#478

The other day I’ve thought about my sister. How it’s sad that we couldn’t be close like a family should be. Like from I was little, I want to talk to her about so many things. Like best friends do. But then it’s like she shut me out. 

I know for a fact that we have a 10 years gap. And that now she’s married. But still there’s always that void in my heart for her to fill. 

As I’m an adult now, age gap might not matter. But whatever I tell her, would be known to her husband. I wouldn’t want that.

But then she has her own problems to deal with... I might just make things worst. 

It’s more sad the fact that you know Mum and Dad are growing older day by day... they couldn’t help you forever... they don’t deserve to worry that much about their children... 

Sigh

#477

There’s never a day go by without me thinking I wanna die. Please someone kill me.

#476

I always have ideas to voice out especially via Twitter. But since I’ve no longer an account, selalu terseksa nak voice out. And I always forgot about my blog. 

So today I wanna tell you, good wedding present are like storage stuff like from IKEA. Instead of tons of glassware?? 

Another thing is, preloved Cotton On miniskirt is way better than the ones people are selling right now which are called ‘shirt extender’. Dah la lambat betul nak masuk fesyen ni kat Malaysia. Like it was already out there in 2006-2008. And now 10 years later. Lol. 

#475

Depression. Is it really? I feel bad for myself. Like in previous posts. I'm pathetic. Even rich in apathy. All these years, I am always not there for my friends and family. I am always not a part of their life progress. I might not even be there for myself. I love seeing people happy. More so the feeling of making people happy. I did that. But then it is just once in a blue moon. I've been shutting down myself for a long time; I can't remember since when. I lack the love from people especially family and sisters, not because they don't offer but because I refuse to reach out. It is sickening, yet still I am.

#474

I'm currently helping out my husband's business. I love especially updating the website because I have experience in editing my tumblr page before. Wordpress is different but still have some similarities. I'll make the best of this insyaaAllah.

#473

All I had to do was open my heart and let go

Anyways I’m back on IG but really I don’t wanna get involved. Just feels good to have your own feed with your own favourite photos

#472

I’m so pathetic