#12

When I was writing the previous post, I was also thinking about how bad it was for Aisyah, isteri kepada Firaun. Like really bad. But because of Allah, she respected him and took that negativity to be the test from Allah in this dunya. Allahu akbar. How strong she was. 

Instead, I remember I told myself to correct myself first before correcting my spouse. Alhamdulillah that Allah send me these petunjuks :’)

#11

Patut la hati selalu tak tenang. Patut la asyik kena buat benda untuk tenangkan diri. Patut la dia pun nak kena maki.

Sebab diri sendiri pun mempalekan hotak orang, membabikan orang. 

Sebab orang paling rapat yang buat macam tu kat kita ek.

Dalam game pun sama je. Nak marah orang dalam game? Sama je terasa kat luar game. 

I'm all bad. Kau tengok bini orang membabikan laki dia? Memang dalam hati aku pun macam tu. Tapi aku tak keluarkan je.

Ye, istighfar, alhamdulillah. 

Memang syukur. Mungkin tunggu nak meletup je kot? Kau dah pernah meletup kan? Mungkin bila aku meletup, aku mati terus jugak. Lagi bagus kan?

#10

You know what keeps me sane and somewhat calm, is my husband, AAPlus, and the Quran recitations and Selawat Syifa' that I let play on computer on loud speaker. 

Coz no matter how I try to block negative thoughts, I couldn't do it by myself. I need assistance like those I mentioned earlier. 

So alhamdulillah for the people that exist around me, real-life or online, directly or indirectly reminding me of Allah and good things <3

#9

 I don't like spoilers or snippets of movies so when he wants to watch that on YouTube, I'm like

Me: tak payah la tengok, belum tengok lagi movie ni

Ha: Tengok je la, bukannya ada masa nak tengok full movie dia pun

Me: *thinks of all the unwatched downloaded movies that have been there for 10 years xD* Hm ok

#8 Mosques

 Just had the time to read AAPlus' Thursday letter dated February 18th, 2021.

And what affected me most is the talk about Masjids. How she misses Masjids so much.

It reminds me of during University time when I would go around with friends or especially Ha (my boyfriend then) and visited various kinds of Musolla (surau) and Masjids (mosques). 

I remember saying it somewhere that I loved how I was able to visit suraus and masjid. I think I tweeted about this. It's a lovely feeling although some suraus or masjids are not women-friendly but that's the test that we need to go through just for the sake of Allah.

Alhamdulillah for the opportunity. I pray may that opportunity come again. Amin.

#7

I rewatched a video, because I was curious about Norreen's live stream. I kinda forgot her name xD So I searched Huzair youtube, then looked through his videos then bam, found this video again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX0IYVy3CuA

I didn't have anything to do, so I spent time to rewatch this video. I skipped some part and I remember that he mentioned if you wanna know more, watch her video. So it was on suggested list on the right, so I watched it too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBuOpmCLjFE

I love these kind of conversations like between you and your friend. Like everytime I meet my homie Mad or Atul or Adli or A'an, it will always relate to Allah SWT. And I hope they don't feel like "menyampah" sebab aku suka borak pasal benda tu haha. Faham kaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn?

And I'm so grateful that I have them in my life that I could talk about it. Like, Allah kurniakan, datangkan insan-insan seperti diorang ni, dalam hidup aku, jenis yang suka jugak, tak kisah jugak kalau aku borak kaitkan dengan islam dan Allah. 

 It's just truly a blessing. 

And masyaaAllah. Sebenarnya, Allah hadirkan jugak, supporters macam kawan-kawan aku ni. Dalam group WhatsApp pun ok je kena 'dakwah' ringan-ringan. Takde la nak terus kena tarbiyyah. Tapi saling mengingati. Tu je. Alhamdulillah.

Like, dude, I don't mind talking about deep stuff with you. I'm so on for it.

#6

So I have this silly feeling I've been feeling since ever, and it has increased multifold when I entered streaming entertainment industry. Like astaghfirullahalazim..

I saw one post on my explore tab on IG. It shows, the person is sad, "when someone you never really liked stops flirting with you." Like, how toxic is that, that you do that to yourself?

This thing is actually normal because as the comments said:

• people like to feel liked
• we lowkey like it but when someone stop flirting we feel like noone likes me anymore
• yeah, why are we women like this?
• some times it's just nice to know someone's interested
• RIP the attention!
• Omg I thought I was the only one that feels like a bitch when I get upset about someone that used to like me stops.

So yeah, why are we like this? I feel sorry to myself, but I need to embrace it, also embrace the fact that it's natural. And try to look past it. Because this craving is really toxic and bad for my soul. So masyaaAllah, always always always go back to Allah because people like you because Allah has moved them and also He hid your flaws, your aib. And with that, use it, use the goodness, to show the goodness of Islam. 

#5

I wanna say I'm a hypocrite to myself because I always say I don't like birthday celebrations for my own birthday, but I'm always anticipating something. But I just don't want a celebration.

Inside I might be looking forward for some surprises but I don't want any surprises. 

That's the hypocrisy that I think I have.

But then, I thought, it's okay to look forward to something, but now expecting too much of it. Like if nothing happens, alhamdulillah. If something happens, alhamdulillah. 

Alhamdulillah for another day to do good.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for small things like just a simple text from people. Like masyaaAllah thank you dearies <3

Come to think of it, today was a great day, a great surprise and celebration as an advanced birthday gift. Thank you Hani for wanting to do something good with me. Alhamdulillah. 

I wanna make a post tomorrow, a short caption, but hidden meaning, but also packed with a beneficial message. I hope Ha accepts it.

#4

 Had a quite a long chat with H**** Gaming, and masyaaAllah it felt like how I felt when I see Aida meets her favourite persons in podcasts. Like, we cliqued, even before we talked about the secret that we have been keeping from people, to keep our privacy. Allahu. Alhamdulillah for making this happen, to meet her and get to talk to her one to one.

Like we've known each other since July 2019 and just, now only that we could do work together, to collaborate. Even though it hasn't happened yet, but it is a small step towards that. Like, Allah has planned it so beautifully, you just need to trust Him. 

May Allah ease our affairs for this collaboration <3