Words (essay) pt. 2

Before the day got dark, I decided to leave the pond, still hoping my father would stop trying to be my best friend. When I entered my house, it was eerily quiet.

“Dad?” I called him out, but there was no response. I went into the guest room – the place where he would always be.

“Dad?” I called him again as I slowly pushed the ajar door. I was too shocked to see what was before me until I could feel myself turned pale. He was lying on the floor, unmoved.

“DAD?!” I dropped my bag and shook him to wake him up. Floodgates of emotion were opened with sadness. I assured myself that there was still a ray of hope. With the knowledge I had, I listened to his heart beat. Nothing could be heard.

“NO! You cannot leave me!” I cried and shook him more vigorously. My eyes were burry and watery with tears.

“How could you leave me without giving me a chance to make amends for my sin to you?” I said to his dead body with wavery voice. What I said before I left the house must have given him a heart attack, because then only I remembered that he had a high blood pressure. My words must have affected him profoundly. He died and I was not there. I abandoned him.

When logic came to me, I called the ambulance. Funeral was made and the neighbours came over to pay condolescence. I was devastated by his death. My neighbours didn’t know what really happened. There was no need for them to know as I was really ashamed of myself.

Now, there was nothing I could do to reverse his death. When I flashed back, he actually looked good in the t-shirt and the three-quarter pants.

“My handsome father...,” I whispered to myself. He should not die at such young age. Yet still, those were the last words I said. I knew by then that words could kill.

As I watched Joe and Kylar playing, I was determined not to disappoint them and to think twice before I say anything. I just could not bear another loss of my beloved ones.

Take it back

Remember when I sarcastically said,

And so we parted to our own ways. Tak kesah pun. There's another more than six months seeing each other.

I actually really care now. Dude, I miss you :'|

Hidup #3

Segalanya adalah pura-pura. Berpura-pura pada diriku sendiri. Berpura-pura tabah dengan cara menekan perasaanku jauh ke dalam hatiku, tak nampak pada mata orang lain tetapi ia menyeksakan diam-diam bagai api dalam sekam, tanpa siapa pun mengerti, tanpa siapa dapat fahami.

Words (essay) pt. 1

When I was preparing tea and biscuits, I grinned to myself as Joe was wrestling with our son, Kylar. Kylar was still small in his tender years of eleven. He had no other choice but to tickle his father. Joe asked him to stop in between his laughing.

Yet, the instant the image of my father crossed my mind, I could feel my smile faded. Words could affect a person’s life so much no matter how much one assured himself that what people said did not matter. Words could even ring in your ears forever, even if they were your own words. I really hoped that I could bounce back to the time when the words should be unsaid...

Mother disappeared without any notice. It seemed like she left us for good. I knew the split would happen. What could father possibly say to my mother until she left us? He would never tell me that. I was never fond of my parents even when I was at the age of sixteen. Yet we could have changed things to be better. Nonetheless, it seemed as if my mother gave up on us, but father didn’t. Since the sudden divorce happened, my father tried to be my best friend, as if he just realized that I was important to him. The way he expressed it – he just treaded on my toes.

He came to my school and hung out with the kids in the school, from variety group of students. Not only that, he dressed up like a teenager – a tight shirt and a pair of three-quarter pants. Everywhere I went in the school, unknown students would greet and wave at me, “Hey, you’re Mr. D’s daughter!”

It was an embarrassment to me that people even knew that he was my father. Unexpected, he even thought of being a teacher in my school! “I do not think that is a good idea, dad,” I insisted.

To my surprise, father agreed with my statement. I felt so relieved. Nevertheless, he still came to my school to give me food for breakfast. That was more embarrassing than having people say he was my father.

Every time he did that, people took a glance at us and giggled. If a boy did so, father would misunderstand that the boy actually liked me. That was really ridiculous. My brain could not grasp on why the students could laugh out loud on what he said. I lived with embarrassment for months and I could not take it anymore.

As soon as I arrived home, I went straight to my room. My bedroom’s door was ajar. I got closer to see my father was reading a book that looked really familiar – my diary.

“Dad, what are you doing?” I was so angry and I snatched the book from him and I was on my way to get out from the house.

“Cindy, wait! Cindy...!” he said softly and grabbed my arm.

I pulled my arm back to be freed from his firm grip and turned around to face him. “Get your own life!” I yelled at him while looking straight onto his eyes. I had enough of him and I just blew my top.

I stormed outside and slammed the door really hard. Quickly I walked past the gateless houses and disappeared at the corner to somewhere peaceful.

Hidup #2

Sekali-sekala tolong kawan, apa salahnya. Hidup bersahabat mesti pandai jaga hati sahabat. Waktu kawan susah, wajiblah kita menolong, nanti giliran kita susah, siapa nak tolong kalau bukan kawan kita?

Hidup #8

Aku mengakui aku memang tak suka pada budak-budak kecil, bukan kerana benci tetapi kerana aku tidak pandai merujuk atau ambil hati mereka. Sikapku juga tak sabar kalau mereka tak makan dek pujuk. Aku juga penat dengan sikap mereka yang pelbagai kerenah. Ini aku alami tiap kali bila aku melayani sepupu-sepupuku yang masih kecil. Tambahan pula, di rumahku tiada anak-anak kecil sejak sekian lama.