#75

Dude. Today a viewer and supporter asked about me being praised. Like masyaaAllah. I know I have a good answer or debate on that. But I couldn't answer it well that really really comes from my heart. Okay not come from my heart, I mean the serious answer like what I'm about to write right now.

"Erin tak suka pujian ke? Like cakap awak cantik comey dan sebagai nya?"

I like praises. And it's human nature to like good things and praises. And of course this is also true:

Mungkin Allah temukan saya ke awak untuk puji awak untuk buat awak lebih semangat, kita tak tahu orang tu down yesterday ke apa ke thats why puji orang supaya bersemangat dan more confident with what they have 

Like *check*. It's true, brother. Praises are not wrong. Allahu, if something makes a person feel better, then that's good! But why I'm afraid of praises, is that I'm afraid of myself. I know, I well know that Allah SWT is above everything. But I'm always afraid of myself, of my heart, of the evil in me. That sifat riak is damn real, walaupun sebesar zahrah. It always creeps me in the littlest noises in my head and the cure for it is to istighfar. 

Talking again about praises and boosting people's confidence, bringing them up when they feel down, that's absolutely true. Yes I've witnessed that some people need it because they are not confident with themselves when actually they look good. 

But me, it's hard to handle praises. Takut diri terlampau bangga, melupakan siapa yang Esa. And I'm so awkward at receiving praises about my looks. Like, what should I say, yakno? I'm not the kind of person who response like, "Aww gorlll you're prettier!" "Thank you cantikkk" "No, you're prettier!" "Biasa2 je". Like masyaaAllah. "Biasa2 je" pun macam dah deny and reject people's praises and Allah's creation (you). So that's why I just say masyaaAllah. What more do I need to say? Every time people praise, like I get it sooo many times I just afraid that it's a too repetitive response that it'd become awkward. But I just don't know what more I can say xD 

But really, I don't despise it, like, I won't tell people, stop praising me, I hate you, stop. No, I accept it, and praise back to Allah. And thank the people who praise for being so kind.

Also, posting stuff on social media? You can't run from praises. 'Cause posts are like invitation of praises, yaknow? Even when you just wanna post something and with a mindful caption. People say what they wanna say, so it's up to us on how to react to praises. 

One of the things that AA talked about, in two emails, is about being kind, show appreciation to your loves ones, give thanks and give credit. 

So alhamdulillah. 

Tbh, not to boast, but I know I have good looks. That's why praises on my looks don't affect me. Because I'm afraid I will be berlagak. Like look at me, bask in my glory. Like, no. Haha. 

So the kind of praises that moves me are those praises on my character. Like, I am so not peramah in real life and it's hard to be that in front of camera. Or maybe praises on other than my looks. My laugh, my voice. Both of these mostly affect me if you praise me on that. Like really, it's an honour. Like masyaaAllah alhamdulillah Allah has made me this way. So what do I do with it?

Like, you won't look young forever. Eventually when you reach a certain age for example 60s, you'd still look like 30s, not the 19s. You get what I mean? Youth is not forever. So use what you have right now the right way, for the sake of Allah. So if you are the type that does not age well, you'd be grateful that you have served well for the community or your family, and even yourself (which is the most important). 

I feel like sharing this tomorrow on stream after Subuh, insyaaAllah :D