#13

New post coz I wanna see the timestamp, how my feelings change so quickly.

Ha always say, it's okay, she has a different characteristic while you are a whole different person.

I never actually really put my effort into editing my VODs, because I might feel cringe on myself from the beginning, since before I feel like I have become hambar. 

Like before this, people commenting saya main santai, relax. Now I'm not. I'm so serious and focused. Because Ha taught me so.

I have stopped being an entertainer. Which actually along the way, Ha also taught me how to be an entertainer. But since idk when... he made me serious and focused :( 

He doesn't care anymore. 

Or maybe that's the real me. Passive, serious, focused, reserved. But at the same time I still feel bubbly when I stream, I still feel happy, but not while playing games because it's too serious. 

So yup. I've no talent in that sense. Even in life, I fail. 

What even people see me as idol? 

I owe people so much. I can't bear it. 

Is the burden of streaming really lifted? Even after I ended the contract?

Sigh