#19

You know what's sad? That when I just wanna talk, have a conversation about my well being, he doesn't wanna actually listen. Me before going back to work. The only time that I have to talk to him, he doesn't wanna engage in it. And then when I'm doing some work on the computer, he'll come to me saying he misses me. What about the times when I want to talk to you? The times when I went to office when I want to chat with you? You did not try to really engage in those.

Tak nak baca post awak, nak dengar awak cakap, luahka kat Ha.

That's what you said. But then I couldn't talk to you. I even told you the points to engage in the conversation that I want to have. I told you to ask me, how did I get my lips to be itchy again. But then you still did not engage. You still ask different things, terus shoot ke doctor. 

When I think about it again, it's like you're dismissing my health problems without wanting to listen to further explanation. And to think about it again, even doctors ask in details if possible, what are the causes, what's the story behind it.

And then when I give you the disappointed look after the things I try to engage, you gave me back the cold look. 

Karma. Kifarah. You get what you give. Maybe that's how I've been treating Ha for the past 5 years, hence that's how he's behaving now.

All I can do is move on with my life, daripada sakit lagi hati ni. Setiap hari sakit. Ada atau takde stream? Pun sakit jugak. 

True how only He can mend everything.