Feb 25, 2013


I guess I'll never learn how to cope myself with this constant stress and pressure and burden and such huge responsibilities with huge burden that sometimes I have to carry it by myself that it's all in my head like it's gonna burst

I get it. Hardships, then comes the good part where all your hard work comes to a good outcome. It's the satisfaction. But somehow I'm not satisfied at all. There's nothing to be satisfied until I get back what I always wanted. To not be a part of this shit.

Think all of the good stuff, the good you do to people. But I just don't want it.


It's so hard to contain this jealousy.. It builds up so high, too much, you just couldn't bear to hold it in. You love to see him happy. But it breaks your heart that it's not you who makes him so.

Feb 23, 2013

Give and take

And sometimes he's being unpleasant. Sometimes you feel like you're being used. But then sometimes, you owe him things. It's about give and take. Learn that.

Couldn't shed a tear

Emotionless or cold, I just couldn't shed a tear for anyone who's leaving Malaysia. It's not that I don't feel sad. I do. But that's just me. Say anything you like, cold hearted and what not, I just couldn't.


The days when I can have you all by myself


Kids stress about having to go with the rules mostly at school and from parents; having to do things parents ask to do; that they can't go anywhere and do whatever they please. They want a freedom life to be able to do anything they want

Whilst adult teens, adults, they wish to be kids, to be problem free. No stress. Just fun. No huge responsibilities.

Well either way, in any age you are, you are still stressed. Kids don't understand how their life is so fun at that age. They couldn't. Mostly only when they grow up, they come to realize, they should've fun.

Feb 22, 2013


I don't think I deserve all your kindness. I don't think I could actually give you happiness. When I'm always like this. This is not how it is. I can't fake my sadness when around you. And that's bad. You are always happy with other people. And I'm always gloomy. And you don't deserve to be treated that way.

There are times in days that all I want is to see you from afar, seeing you with smiles and laughter. Because that's the only way that I could see you being joyful, in which when I'm not around. 

Feb 20, 2013

Hecka life

He doesn't tell you don't post that kind of photos. And some people even liked it; didn't oppose it. The fact that it's not only one group, but a gather of many groups together. It shouldn't be a big deal. But whatever, it lasted long enough. I actually wanted to change it 2 days after that, but is too busy with life, and the fact that I'm scared to browse through my pc. I'm actually not the one to be blamed. It's between the guys. The guys are too fragile inside

Organising board

I hate this body representative. I hate it

Feb 19, 2013

Quality pass?

The question is, do you want plainly for just passing,

Or do you want to have a quality pass? In which you learn until you really get it, in result getting high marks insyaaAllah.

And so I'm confused. Very confused.

Female and talks

I know I don't talk much. But the fact that I'm a female species, I still do talk A LOT, especially with the people I trust and the people I'm comfortable with. There are just so many things to talk about; I don't even know if they give a blitz about my ramblings. Sometimes I feel like people would say, Gosh when is she ever going to stop talking

 Being said this, I'd try to control myself. I'd try

Feb 17, 2013

Only that moment

You miss how everything is so great at that moment. Even if it happens again, afterwards, things go back to all the bitter cold

Feb 16, 2013


So after what happened, do I still mean this much to you?


I know I'm not ready. Neither do I want hopes to be shattered.

Feb 14, 2013


That sucks. But you can't please every one. I'm trying, and I see that she is doing the same too.

For all I know, she never disturbs your private space. Like how I try not to.


Sometimes you know your thoughts are just so awesome, like the words are nicely put, that you just need to immortalise those words in any form. That you just feel if you don't do it then, you might forgot your amazing thoughts. You just HAVE to put it down.


The worst birthday is that you don't officially get a birthday wish from the person you most hope to get from, regardless the fact that other loved ones celebrate your day.

It may sound so ungrateful. But you can't help how you feel.

Feb 12, 2013


There’s a reason why my close friends and I are in different ways. My best friends are hardly around. It’s hard to always contact each other. So they don’t know how I actually am like.

I just tend to hurt the people close to me. I become so emotional, angry or sad, I let it out to them. I over acted. I over acted til it hurts them. It really hurts them, I know. And I’m always too late to take back those words. It’s so stupid, I’m an idiot.

My girls don’t see this. How could they anyway. A part of me wishes that this friendship just stays this way. That I don’t need to hurt the people I love.

That’s the reason. To be apart, so that I can’t hurt them.


You don't appreciate enough the people who want the best for you. You take them for granted. How can people help you when you're not helping yourself?

Feb 11, 2013


I slept my nights, skipping family dinner which is so important to my brother. I was being a douche and selfish. I don't know what went through me. I was just so exhausted doing nothing.

Maybe this failure tires the hell out of me. I'm just so foolish. Idiotic.

Feb 10, 2013


It sucks that sometimes people don't know the certain things they do actually really hurts. Because of the past, because of what happened in the past.

It just hurts so much.

Even after anything, even if you really mean no harm.

Feb 8, 2013


See what my homies made me do. I hate chu haha
Gotta love these boys. The things they do.
People may not read this. But I appreciate everything you do. The wishes on Twitter and Facebook. And the texts I received. Thank you. You guys made my day.

Feb 7, 2013


And you left without a word. You might not feel anything. But she does. She's hurt.

Feb 6, 2013


I'm sorry for today is such a waste. I'm sorry to have wasted your time. You could have been home by now. In fact, by hours ago. In the end, we got nothing. I'm sorry.


I think I should just get away from everybody. It’s maybe happening. Maybe.
Were there any misunderstandings tho? Maybe.
This is not a very good parting. I’m home with uneasy feelings.

Feb 5, 2013

Carry on

What if thìs all only stays as 'cinta remaja'? What if it wouldn't blossom? What if?


And you always worry about the uncertainties. Would this all feelings go to waste? You don't know. You just don't know. Only Allah does.

Feb 4, 2013


It was brief, but that was all I wanted. To feel again how it was to have you around, us, and them.

Feb 3, 2013

Dear you

You didn’t even try to ask me out. It’s like for you it’s better that I’m not around, that you try so hard to not invite me, that if I’m around, it’d be awkward.

The least you could do is ask. But you didn’t. Terasa sangat. Luka masih belum sembuh. And it's not even you who wounded me.

Everything you do, I remember. The things you like. The things you try. Your habits. Your behaviour. I’m just so sad that it all come to this, after everything we’ve been through together. It’s hard to let go.

But I was never a good friend. I judged you so bad. Even now. All you wanted was someone to lend their ears. I did, but I judged you. Sigh what even