#32

Kenapa Ayah kuat semangat sampai sekarang? “Hidup ini amanah sehingga kita berjumpa Allah nanti.”

#31

Everything's not mine in the first place. It's Allah's. I'm glad the burden of the fund is not just on me even though it's on my name. So if one person in the group is not fine with me, I could not move forward. The purpose is there, but the action would be stunted. I would feel there is no barakah in doing it, even though my intention is good. 

So I guess there won't be any live stream for a long time.

#30

Lol I’m not worthy of whatever. I’m useless. It’s easier that I don’t exist. No one would get hurt. I don’t bring goodness in anything or anyone anyway. 

#29

I did not stream live this morning. Coz I feel TEPU. I've been doing live straight from 25th to 1st June. Quite a lot. I mean, I know other people grind and hustle everyday to do live. But I just... can I take a break for just one day? :(

And the fact that I feel like I'm not good enough. And that every day is the same :( Come to think of it, everyday is the same for Soloz too. Every time he's live, he plays quite the same heroes, but carry heroes.

I can't compare too much with Honey Gaming because she has Indonesian market. That was the highest CCV I've seen. No wonder she has high views. It makes me think...am I lacking something? Or is it just me?

It makes me more sad, maybe worried too, when my husband gives himself an option to do live for his own gameplay. Like, he would be my competitor. He says he's not confident now, but he definitely can have a steeper learning curve and growing curve than me.

Also he could also not be my competitor, the person that I do not need to compete with. Also... are you even competing? Are you putting that mindset to compete with others? I thought you pray for success for everyone. Everyone has their own rezq but at the same time maybe competing, but healthily.

But I think I'm mostly affected by what my husband said. I know I'm more than just ML gaming.. but still. Hm