#15

Okay. Out of Ramadhan menu topic.

I just finished listening to woman-up podcast by Aida Azlin & Saphia Moulana on Hijab.

"What is modesty to me?" Um, so personal to explain haha

"Why do your wear hijab?"

And may I add, why do I try to cover perfectly.

This I like to share.

Aurat is something that I can control. It's within my control. To fully cover or not to. I already know the wajib, and I can easily control it. So I do it. I do it because I just want to guarantee to obtain that part of pahala. Because I know human have flaws and we do mistakes/dosa all the time even if just a little. We are not maksum.

In conjunction to wanting redha from Allah, by covering well.

Apart from that, covering fully has become my consciousness. Alhamdulillah. I couldn't go out without socks, without my hijab covering front and back, without my shirt being loose and covering my thighs, without it being fully opaque.

I cringe to those who wear hijab, covering front and back, but then you can see their neck. And astaghfirullah, I do make prayers for them, for Allah to guide them.

I might be "better" at covering myself, but I know that I'm no better at heart. They might be more kinder than me than I'll ever know. That's okay. So then I'll just pray may Allah guide them so they can be perfect.

And anyway, each of us has our own struggle and hardship to perfecting on covering our aurah. Struggling everyday is also something that Allah look upon.

Hm that's all I can think of for now.

#14

I know I should be noting like what I did on that day. What good deed I have done. But that’s too thought out. I just want to post entries that do not involve deep stuff haha

So

4 Ramadhan 1441H

Sahur wheat bread dipped in Nescafé and kurma

Buka with chicken soup Mama’s recipe. 

5 Ramadhan 1441H

Sahur last night’s chicken soup Mama’s recipe. 

 

#13

Okay how should I do this? Should I make new entry each day or just update that one old entry?

3 Ramadhan 1441H

Break fast with modified Tom Yam and ayam kunyit. 

Today I streamed, realising there’s this Supporter Badge function already. Alhamdulillah. Six people did. 

But then it makes me nervous. Because they support me to go further. And so to mend my heart, I looked back at this tag line from Ha:

innamal a'malu binniyat - sesungguhnya setiap amalan harus disertakan dgn niat

#12

Here’s the thing about my married life: I don’t cook. At all. 

So alhamdulillah for the first and second Ramadhan, I got us food from Grab. 

Menu

1 Ramadhan 1441H

Tom Yam Ayam from Thai Moment Setapak

2 Ramadhan 1441H

Sahoor Nasi Goreng Tom Yam with Tom Yam soup

Break fast DT Café Tom Yam Putih Ayam - tak sedap hahah

3 Ramadhan 1441H

Sahoor Roti je! Hahah while my husband ate a pack of Maggie curry. In which I got a few last bites hihi

I will update this everyday insyaaAllah. 

Just for keeps. And secretly wanting to tell mom. Haha

#11

I don’t know how I inspire people by doing what I do but I hope that I give some positive impact in people’s lives that they get some benefits out of my existence in their lives.  

I was scrolling through a twitter account. Just to look at his past, how he started Twitter and how he grew and changed from there. So I feel like I was being left out from Twitter, from his life. And also scrolling through made me regret so deeply on deleting my Twitter account. It’s like deleting this blog or losing my journal. 

Because Twitter was THE place that I’ve shown myself witty and brilliant and logical and all those good stuff even when I was down. So losing it feels so ergh. 

And I hate to create a new one because my Twitter account  was created in August 2008 somewhere that time. Or 2009. If I create now... I feel like I’m left out and so last year. Yakno?

Idk. That creation date matters to me 😂

That’s all for today. 

#10 inspire

Most of the time I don't know if my presence gives any benefits to people around me. Like, what good did I do today, and everyday, that would make it as amalan jariah? A good example, have I shown that?

I always think I don't give any positive impact to anyone. 

But well, that's just me being pessimist.

#9 i miss streaming

I know I need a rest at least a day. But for the past few videos, I did not feel full because I did not perform well. Hence I feel stressed about it. And maybe that's why I need a rest even though I can't wait to get back to it again. 

I don't know man. Maybe I AM having fun while streaming. Maybe I DO feel happy doing this 'work'.

Because seriously, when I don't feel good about my performance, I feel so down that I want to quit streaming. Like it's not meant for me.

When the thing is, I love it. So I guess I need to take a step back and reflect.

#8

Death 😌

#7

All those good numbers of followers and likes and shares and reach don’t mean a thing if you don’t feel happy or good doing it. “Pemalu” “Tried to bring up the vibe” bullshit. They treated us like trash like we’re nothing. 

And Uncle, you just didn’t get what I wanted to express to you. I’m here getting nothing, no job, yet you “humble” brag about what you have achieved out of what you did. Good for you, but I’m here to express my feelings. Can’t you show empathy?

See. In the end, no one understands except me and my husband. No matter who we want to luahkan about this. Coz people are just not in our shoes. It’s difficult to make people understand. Hence the pain is bottling it up.