Wednesday, July 28, 2021

#52

Dude I feel so overwhelmed going back to reading gossips. So tired :( I hate it. I hate the feeling of anger and heavy disappointment. 

What more that I hated myself for comparing myself with other streamers, because of who used to always be there, already gone, but not on them. 

So I'm irrelevant. As long as I don't do more, I'm irrelevant.

Talking about the gossips, I'm sad that people are that way. Sigh. I'll just close that chapter again and ignore everything.

I was already overwhelmed with EL and Cap, now these fellas, Apple & C. I'm just gonna stop. It ain't good for my mental health. 


Monday, July 26, 2021

#51

For the first time in my 28 years of life, I think, this is the first time that I actually felt this way, and acknowledging it, and realise about it. 

I was overwhelmed about stuff and there were so many things to do. I just wanted to cry and sleep. 

I realised that I wanted to run away from my problems. To shut everything down first then only come back to it. Where actually there are ways to solve the problems. I've been feeling like this so many times before but I don't acknowledge it well. I even come across soooo many quotes online about running away from your problems, but I don't acknowledge that I've always been there. So now, I finally see it. Subhanallah.

When I cried, I wanted to let it out by posting it here. But also then I voiced it out to Ha, "Bye, I want to cry and sleep." And he replied, "WHY?!".

So instead of just keeping it to myself or jotting it down here, I took my time, sat beside him, and slowly tell all the problems running in my head.

Your favourite soul will never judge and always understands, through His guidance.

Sometimes we think we already know the answers, but we don't. There are always small things that we overlooked. And alhamdulillah for the conversation. 

For my own note: This' about cookies and Quickie sesh.

Thursday, July 22, 2021

#50

I feel useless. I’m sorry my dear lovely caring husband. You’re not at fault. I’m just a problem to solve. Trying to be positive in everything that’s happening. 

FREAKS