Dec 31, 2012


Sometimes it's just hard to ask people for opinion. Because you have to somehow explain what your situation is, and  you know what you did was someway embarrassing and stupid


You make me feel like I'm a worthless useless and hopeless child and person who cannot live alone and make wise decisions. All I needed was assistance and guidance, someone to give advice, any critics that you think better for me so that I wouldn't jump into stupid decisions. You needn't yell at me. What more in public. I actually have no clue on what I've gone into. Why am I being so ignorant

All my life

I wish to see you tomorrow, the next day, the day after the next day, and the day after that, every day, each day in my life. To see you. And to talk you. It would mean the world to me to live such life. Plainly you bring me all kinds of happiness.

Dec 29, 2012


If pain you give, then pain you'll get. So choose. To be content? Or to torment yourself?
"You only get what you give." - New Radicals


I hope they're selected for this activity. They have to. Or I’ll have no fun in the world.

Dec 28, 2012


But I know if I back off I’ll forever be haunted by it. I know I’ll miss all the great things that they do. I know how fun it is sometimes. Thus I ain’t letting this go. But I’ll just try to give them pain. I wish to make you regret for choosing me to be amongst you


I'm so stupid why didn’t I try to register under my new ID
maybe that’s the reason why I couldn’t get through because of the old ID
I'm so ignorant ugh

Save me?

Don't you want to save me? As bad as I want to save you from all the broken hearts? Do you want to see me in pain? Do you want me to always be in this mess? Forever? Why won’t you have that feeling of wanting to save me? Instead of feeling that pain alone?

Every word

Every word you say. I couldn't help but relate them all to me. Could it be?

Dec 26, 2012


It's actually pretty fun to be living outside, rent house. Baiduri or Seksyen 7, it's cool. To have that freedom. But all I'm worried about is FOOD. I'm never good with food. Cooking food. Ugh I fail in life.

Dec 22, 2012

Hate more

You're just making me hate it more and more. Hating my life, hating my decisions, hating myself, hating everything. You're not helping me get through this. I think I'll just drop it off and never mention about it anymore


"Perhaps I would be one of the top students there.. I hold the responsibility to bring along the other students..." - Apr 6, 2009

Dec 21, 2012


Being really creepy now do I

Tone down

What he'll do is just tone me up. Maybe more to the worst of myself. He couldn't be the one. I just have to stop hoping. There's no future. Period.

All I need is someone who can tone me down; and bring out the best in me. And you could be the one.

Dec 19, 2012

Shine bright like a diamond

Geez lord I can't forget how you randomly sang out this part of the song when I mentioned it (or maybe we heard it somewhere and you instantly sang it)

And you knew how much I like this part.

It's just the simplest thing that happened. But it meant so much to me. Such memorable moment.

You listened

You were different. You listened to everything I was saying. My stories. My life. The things I randomly tell. You listened and not being bored.

I made those random accents. I got crazy again. It was all spontaneous. How did I even

You have changed a bit. But those butterflies, they were not there. But still, you changed.


There are so many kinds of secret that you can't blame one for not telling, even if you're the closest person they have.

The first destruction of my friendship here will forever haunt me and rub on my face. In which I have to face it everyday in my life. I wish I could unknow those people. I wish that I never attempted to be close to the whole group. I wish that I could get away and start a new life, a life where I don't try to be close to people. Another 2 years is a very long time. I don't know if I could bear with this.

Until forever, they could never see how I really appreciated everyone. But still, I am no good to anybody. All I could bring is just destruction. Just..try to leave the past behind, dear.


Having the chance to hang out or go for a road trip with them is always such awesome thing. But it's different if you were there. Because well, you know, when your crush is there, it makes the world even brighter.

Dec 18, 2012


You have this pleasant scent, spread from your perfume all over your body. The scent that whenever I sniffed it, I know that it’s you.

And if in places, wherever it is, unconsciously sniffing this scent, it reminds me of you. With just this scent, it reminds me everything about you and me; every bubbly feeling that you made me feel.

‘Cos I’m falling hard, really hard.


“Mak ingat dah takde budak kecik nak dijaga, ingatkan semuanya dah  besar. Ghupenye ada lagi budak keciknye.” - Mum
Hahah mum is so cute. They left me here and went overseas. I had no one to talk to. And I was a mess, really. I still needed my mum. And now they’re back, I shall cherish every moment with them. Moga panjang umur, mak, ayah.

Best for you

Your best friend from school. She has always been the one. The one who's ready to listen, to calm you down, to be happy for you, to accept you just the way you are and never judge you. She's a true friend. I don't deserve you, you deserve better.

But know this:
Losing your best friend is like losing your life.
 I really had no one. But I'm just glad you were part of my life.

So-called family

I hated to be called as a family in organizations. Like BWP? And this I'm currently in. It's foolish. I never felt belonged.

Dec 17, 2012


I didn't feel it. With him, I didn't feel how you made me feel. It's obvious to me. That my heart has already been down to only you. For you.

Feel again

'Lets pretend we never met each other so that I'll have the chance to meet you again and feel the pleasure.' - azrjml

Have I mentioned that friendships or relationships are like rubber bands.
Stretch a rubber band, it'll eventually bounce back to the original condition. But if you keep on stretching, it will eventually break.
You just have to pull it so far, till it couldn't go further. Be distant from each other, until there's a time, when you most long for that person. But don't let it break.

You just want to fall in love again, and feel again. You want to feel that sparks again. The butterflies that you had. Those feelings. You don't want to feel numb.

Dec 16, 2012


You were invisible, unknown of your existence. While I was always only behind the camera, unnoticed.

And now we have discovered each other. And holding on. We're holding on.


"Korang rapat lagi ke?"
Takde la rapat sangat. Macam tu je. Kalau special occasion ke apa ke, ada la invite. Nak kata kitorang cerita, pasal our whole life, takdela sangat. Biasa je. We're the normal kind of friendship. Not best. But moderate.

It's good

Know what I do when a day go by without talking/texting/chatting with you? I reminisce those moments with you even I were in the sea of a crowd, the people I know. I just spaced out, most of the time. You mean this much to me.

It's okay, it's good.


A day without you is just so unfair. And yet it's the best for us. Mostly for me. Sometimes too much of anything can make you sick. I don't want to feel that. Better let me go missing you like crazy.

Good night, darling.

Dec 15, 2012


Even when you told me not to put hopes too much.. that only has given me hopes

Dec 14, 2012


It's great to feel liked by the person you adore. Some people don't get that feeling. So what more do you want? Is it not enough?
Manusia memang tak pernah puas sepenuhnya.

Just have fun and cherish what you have while it lasts. DON'T let it be dull. Make it JOYFUL. Things are how you make it to be.


She offered me her hand to hold. I felt loved. From a kid, from a lil sister. It was something so beautiful. Given that I've never had a little sister. It was mesmerizing. We talked different languages, but love, is one language. And I understood that, I felt that. If they ever knew how they really changed my life.


When things become too easy for the both of you. When there is no challenge whatsoever. Life is just no life without risks and challenges. It becomes dull and uninteresting without the two. Sometimes you could feel yourself trapped in this so-called affinity. It's like your market dropped down drastically. And that's as if you were that high in the market. You see, you miss the challenges and being stuck between things you couldn't do to get what you want. Because with that, you just have to try harder, try new ways to get it. You've been through that. But now when you already have it, you thought, is this just it? Is this all?

The worst part is, you're starting to lose faith in your future with him. Nevertheless, this is not an affinity, you have clearly stated that. You are still only mates and no more, as you've wished to.

Dec 8, 2012


At times when I feel like I'm no one to you. It's like you betray my trust. All the trust I've given you. I'm upset.

Do I bore you? Do I come about so easily? That you needn't to put an effort to see or talk to me?


Sorry, but the term best friends is too overrated.

This is no way an offence. I'm just always insecure with myself. But 'reaally close friends like sisters'. I love that.

Dec 7, 2012


I know. The people could see the changes between us. The girls. The boys. We've grown apart. You make plans where I'm not in it. You didn't even consider that I've asked you out earlier.

When I asked, the both of you didn't even try to ask me to come along.

Finally, the thing that I'm most afraid of has finally happened. We've become strangers.


Isn't it irony that you fulfilled my check list on a guy? You're kind of the dream guy whom I always wanted to be with.