#77

So I’ve been following an IG account, a digital content creator I think. I followed her because she's like Aida Azlin but on IG stories but TBH actuallyyyy I followed her initially because of the “Add Yours” sticker because she had the most good ones hahah. But then slowly and at the same time her content interest me. So yeah. 

I’ve shared this below with her and I wanna put it here :)

I’ve never liked the term best friend since primary school. I prefer close friends. 

Also, I have close friends for different interests. 

And I’m okay with it and they’re okay with it. I have totally different interests with my two closest friends (even though it might not be a mutual feeling 😂).

They have their own circle of friends where they most do activities together. but we talk about mostly everything when we had the chance. And still never judge each other and understand each other masyaAllah. I’m not the kind who we do activities together although I really love to hangout and travel with them but masa mencemburui kita. Haha. 

Not talking down on myself but I’m kinda the bad introverted friend who just wanna be alone 😂 and subhanallah they never complained once we have reached a certain age and after years knowing each other. 

About never expecting any replies: 

Ngl I’m that kind of friend too. I’m late or just forgot to reply coz life ✨happens✨. I do text them asking how they are sometimes because I know how good it feels suddenly a friend text you. It gives you feeelsss. And still I don’t expect any replies. 

I’ve learnt about this kinda early during high school because of my older sister. Because she has that kind of friendship. “Kitorang dah biasa tak reply each other.” And they are still close friends till now masyaAllah :’) 

But then like you said earlier never judge someone’s relationships, you are not worst or better than the other. Everyone has their special conditions. 

I was thinking have I ended any friendship ? I think I’m not that close to anyone to ever end a friendship. But then when I think about it again. Kinda so many friendships I’ve ended and there remains my two close friends even though if they don’t feel mutual but they definitely will be there when we have the chance to talk. I always pray for them 💕

#76

I wanna tell you something that I think you've heard of.

Jangan terlampau nak kerja kerja kerja sampai tiada masa untuk keluarga, sama ada ibu bapa, isteri dan anak-anak, adik-beradik, saudara mara, sepupu, keluarga terdekat, dan sebagainya. 

Masa tidak boleh dibeli. Tengok tengok, kita dah tak cukup masa untuk diorang.

Anak tiba-tiba dah besar.

Ibu bapa tiba-tiba dah tua, tiba-tiba jatuh sakit, tak sihat.

Isteri pun, tiba-tiba ini itu. 

Dan sebagainya.

Kita tak tahu. Kita tak tahu.

Dan jangan disebabkan dari jauh kita nampak keluarga kita nampak okay je, kita takeadvantage of that, tak kisah untuk meluangkan masa dengan mereka.

Allahu.

So I'm afraid that I'm like that. Like, masa jadi Auditor walaupun dah kahwin, masih lagi boleh jenguk mak ayah. Allahu, kalau setiap minggu boleh balik, baliklah. Abang ipar saya selalu pesan benda tu. Apatah lagi kita yang duduk dekat dengan mak ayah ni...

Alhamdulillah masa kerja Auditor rajin buat camtu. Aku tak buat camtu kat sahabat-sahabat, dan aku tak nak rasa bersalah sebab tak dapat luangkan masa dengan sahabat, sebab the battle within yourself is so brutal. So alhamdulillah at least aku dapat luangkan masa dengan mak ayah.

Tapi sekarang bila kerja yang ni, disiplin saya dengan masa tiada. Jadinya, jadi tak sempat nak jenguk. Macam-macam alasan dalam kepala. Allah. Apa la perasaan Mak Ayah. Aku tak salahkan sesiapa tapi diri sendiri. 

Memang benar akan hilang satu nikmat bila mak ayah takde. Sekarang memang rasa takde apa, tapi bila aku bayangkan benda tu, memang perit. Tapi walaupun dah bayangkan benda tu, masih di takuk yang sama. 

Jadi, apa masalahnya di sini? Diri sendiri. Diri sendiri.