Stars Night Out!

a.k.a SAB Prom Night 2010
Lucky number 017 and named as YUNA. Ye lah, theme dia pun about living one night as celebrities. Please don't mind the picture. Macam fake gila. Haha.

Meeting my SABian friends was so wonderful - especially Natasha Zulkifli. Girl, it's so hard to get updated about you! It has been so long, and there was definitely no other way and time to meet like this again - taking into account that it happened at the really end of the year.

Dah la malam tu MALAYSIA menang lawan bola. I really love the fact that people now are very proud to say out our country's name.

So, about the prom, I love the lightings. Colourful and beautiful patterns shone the ballroom. Yang paling best, lighting masa dancing, which was the blinking white lighting that made the world seemed slowing down. That made me reminisce the day in the scream park in Sunway Lagoon. Very similiar but scary.

Musics were fantastic! The mashed up remixes were the bomb. We spent like an hour dancing our heads off with the great shake-it beat. Haha. Stopping before the time was up, was not an option. Just kept dancing! And, well, so much into living in my own world, I just knew some of the musics that were played. So when people were shouting out some words, I just played along. What the heck, right?

Invited band, Hayad, was really awesome. They were crowd-friendly, and the vocalists sounded really great. Not to forget, good looking! Loves!

The food! Dayumm they were really delicious and mouth-watering. I like the sarcastic EMCEEs, telling us not to be afraid to eat as much as we could. Heck, of course we would be. Or else it would ruin the beauty on wearing the dress! But I didn't care anyway, because my dress was a lil' loose. Sayang I didn't have the chance to try the dessert. Well, many of us didn't. And the punch, was nice.

I could go on and on talking about how great the prom was. It was just so wonderful. I'm glad I was there :)

Natural feeling

When the song Mine, by Taylor Swift was played on the radio, I was starstruck. I don't know what that song wholly means. But to me, to my own dictionary of life, it is about a girl, that is very grateful to have had a guy that makes her life so wonderful in the past five years. Although she couldn't have him, she still cherishes him.

No kidding. Although this current guy has made me feel loved, I still can't forget that guy in between times. Ainaa was right, that of course most guys would just play you at this age. But behind all those, when I told Ainaa, I've seen his good side, soft spots. Ainaa was right that, in the future, he'll be a good guy.

I could see that. He has shown his faithfulness to the girl. And that sometimes kills me. Like I'm really pissed off because of their relationship. Like I hoped I was in the girl's shoes. And I still have this picture, where he would go to me someday, after having a terrible break up with the girl. And like, I'm the best friend that you should have gone to.

Bertuah tak dia dapat kau? Bagi aku, dia sangat bertuah. 'Kadang-kadang aku rasa tak bertuah bila tengok hot chicks,' kau kata. So what? Ko still faithful kat dia. Aku nampak itu. But that's the thing that I wouldn't get, would I? No.

Maybe ni masih lagi permainan hati. Coz after we hung out, the feeling came again. You're still in my mind, coz we hung out. Coz you still text me in IM. And you fooled me when you escorted me half way home, which actually didn't mean anything to you. But of course, why should I say something when I don't want anything? Come to think of it, I could tell that I have liked you, that you were right, when you said I liked you. And after that I could say just telling what has been bottling up inside. I wouldn't expect you to say anything. But then, it'd be more awkward to ask me to lepak sama-sama. Sigh. What a drama. If you don't say anything, erin, the drama's off. So just let it be.

I just can't lie. He still gives me this deep admiration to him. Would I ever forget you? Yes, erin. It's not possible. Distance will make you grow less fond of him. It's for the better. Whatever you know. Sometimes I hoped that we are going to be in the same university. Crazy, right? But whatever it is, kalau ada jodoh, kita jumpala lagi. Kalau ada. Kalau takde, Allah dah tentukan orang yang lagi baik. Seeing this current guy liking me, I think I will get someone like him, and better, insyaAllah. And that you should continue what you have learnt in school. The boundaries and all. InsyaAllah. I want the perfect love. The almost perfect ones, will follow up. InsyaAllah.

Kontest Blog Terkemas

Syarat-syarat sah :

1. Follow blog Hana and Fyza. Tak follow pun takpe but make sure korang selalu update dengan blog dorang okay :)
2. Make sure korang ada blog. No blog. No contest. No PRESENT! haha
3. Buat satu entry dengan tajuk Kontest Blog Terkemas. Amek banner tu sekali and make sure terus link kan ke blog Hana atau link entry kontest ni
4. Bila dah buat, bagi link entry korang dekat ruangan komen Hana. Submit link entry dekat blog Hana je tau. Senang sikit. Kang tercicir habis kena pelengkung ngn korang. Haha
5. Kontest ni terbuka kepada semua warganegara tak kira umur dan jantina
6. Tag 3orang blogger ok :)
7. 3orang pemenang je akan dipilih. Kalau nak tambah nanti dorang bagitau. Haha
8. Update : Sebab takut ramai sangat, limit untuk join 1000 orang sahaja. Kalau nak tambah nanti Hana bagitau :)

TARIKH TAMAT : 1FEBRUARY2011

Tag, you're it !

1. Madihah
2. Jaja
3. Adli - laki bole tak? Haha

Cook Book #2

Another rules that I found imporant.

3. Lepas masak, Sejukkan badan > mandi > makan.
   Kalau tak mandi, busuk gila doe, serius.
4. Sukatan guna instinct.
   Nak memasak ni tak payah sukat-sukat. Macam berapa gram, berapa sudu. Tamsilnya, berapa camca garam? Oh tidaakkk. Tu semua dibubuh secara natural. Yang tu la yang saya tengah belajar ni. Cara nak bajet sukatan.

Hari ni, saya belajar masak ikan goreng dan sayur kangkung. Simple je.

Untuk ikan goreng,

1. Letak ikan-ikan dalam besen, bubuh garam secukup rasa, dan kunyit. Gaul-gaul bagi kunyit and garam tu rata. Ingat! Guna tangan kanan je, jangan guna dua-dua ataupun tangan kiri. JIJIK. Ok.
2. Biasala nak goreng ikan ni, bagi minyak banyak sampai ikan bole err, direndam dalam minyak tu. Tunggu sampai ikan garing, tengok-tengokla kaler dia camne. Pastu try gaul-gaul kee. Sendiri boleh agak ikan tu dah garing ke tak. Just follow your instinct.
3. Dah agak garing, keluarkanla dari kuali. It's time to put in cut onion and cili api. Cam biasa nak tumis ni nisbah 2:1. Hari ni baru saya tawu, cili api tu sukatannya bajet satu sudu besar RATA. Tumis sampai garing! Hari ni aku tak tahu kenapa, mungkin sebab aku selsema kot, sebab aku tak bersin pun. Aiyok.
   *Tapi anda anda ni perlu tahu, bersin tu sebenarnya bukan perkara wajib. Ni semua instinct semata-mata. Gunala kehebatan senses anda - hidung, mata, telinga, dan sebagainya.
   
4. Bila dah rasa-rasa garing (tumis tu), masukkan je ikan-ikan tadi ke dalam kuali. Gaul bagi sama rata.
5. Tutup api, sedia untuk dihidang.

Senang kann? And benda dan cara yang sama je mak aku guna. Tapi sedap beb!

Masakan sayur kangkung.

1. Panaskan minyak yang sikit. Masukkan bawang yang telah dipotong kecil-kecil, dan juga ikan bilis.
2. Garam dimasukkan dengan jumlah yang secukup rasa. Gaul gaul bagi rata.
   
3. Tunggu garing. (Sekali lagik).
4. Sementara tu, atau sebelum tu, boleh la patah-patahkan dan cerai-ceraikan daun dan batang kangkung. Tak payah guna pisau. Kita guna kekuatan jari-jemari. Kecualila nak potong hujung batang tu, yang tak elok tu.
5. Bila dah garing *yawn* (bosan aku, asek benda yang sama), masukkan sayur kangkung tu.
6. Gaul bagi rata.
7. Dah nampak kena air, layu sikit je, tutup api. Hidang.

Setiap hari mak masak simple. Macam simplenya sayang saya pada mak. Saya sayang mak. Simple en? Ok pape je lah.
Tapi sebelum ni ada je dia masak western food. Time tu err, saya tak dapat ilham lagi. Jadi, terlepaslahh. Takpe. InsyaAllah masih ada lain masa.

Oh ya, aku ni taklah pro mana untuk menamakan makanan. Tanya mak aku pun, dia tergelak BAHAHHAHAHA. Sebab takde nama. Hantam je. Tup tup, jadi, voila!

I'm wondering, bila la mak nak masak spesel lagi. Haish.

Okay till the next cook!

Cook Book #1

Starting from today, I am going to talk about my experience in cooking, insyaAllah. This way, I would make myself go to the kitchen and just cook. I am learning from the pro, bebeh!

Okay, so far. There are some rules. Rules of mine, according to the sequences of my exprience.

1. Jangan gosok mata semasa atau selepas mengupas bawang. Walaupun dah basuh tangan dengan sabun, jangan gosok gak! Sampai la pedih tu hilang. Otherwise, just embrace the agony. Lagi elok.
2. Pucuk paku. Nak masak pucuk paku, kenala amek daun dia je. Tapi cubala patah-patahkan batang dia. Kalau lembut batang dia, dan boleh dipatahkan, masukkan sekali untuk dimasak.

Haaa alang-alang aku cerita je la pasal nak buat lauk pucuk paku ni. Sedap beb.

1. First, kita goreng ikan bilis dulu. Takyah letak apa-apa. Just ikan bilis. Bila tengok kaler dia lawa, masukkan ke dalam pinggan, tapi aku panggil mangkuk.
2. Then, masukkan pucuk paku pulak. Jangan banyak sangat minyak. Masak pucuk paku ni sampai dia layu sikit je. So kena tengok ah, jangan tinggal lama-lama, kang mati pulak pucuk paku tu. Dah habis masak tu, masukkan ke dalam mangkuk tadi.
   
3. Dalam kuali yang sama dan minyak yang sikit, tumis pulak bawang (yang dah dikisar ataupun dipotong kecik-kecik). Kalau saya la kan, saya lagi suka kisar. Senang dikunyah. Haa ye. Pastu masukkan sekali satu sudu kecik cili api. Nisbah bawang kepada cili api adalah 2:1 ye. Kalau nak kurang pedas, nisbahnya 3:1. Haa tu untuk orang tak tahan pedas. Masukkan jugak garam secukup rasa.
   
4. Tumis ni kena selalu dikacau untuk nak bagi sama rata. Pastikan tumis ni garing. Macam mana nak tahu dah garing ke tak? Sampai anda mengeluarkan bunyi, 'Atchoo!'. Kalau tak paham, bunyi tu bunyi bersin. Kalaula tak bersin langsung, saya tak tahu la apa masalah dengan hidung anda. Pegi jumpa doktor ye.
   
5. Lepas tumis tu dah garing, tanpa tutup api, masukkan je pucuk paku dan ikan bilis ke dalam kuali. Gaul dan gaul dan gaul sampai rata. Rasa - rasala sikit, sedap ke tak. Kalau macam tak cukup garam, tambah lagi sikit.
6. Padam api, dan sedia untuk dihidang.
   

Haaa senang kan? Aku ni tulis kemain lagi. Padahal tolong mak gaul gaul je. Bila nak cuba? Aku tak pasti. Tengoklah nanti, kalau kalau this 'cook book' come in handy, dan bila dapat hidayah memasak ^^

So, this is the first time I do this. If my explanations are boring, then it's okay. Ni untuk aku senang nak rujuk. Aku ni malas menulis. Sekarang ni lepas habis SPM, nak menulis pun kekok, macam budak baru belajar nak menulis. Jadi, apa salahnya guna teknologi yang ada?

Oraitt till the next cook! Toodles :)

Freed

You freed me from the dreadful cage.
And now I can fly blissfully in your presence :)
Out of sight, but never out of mind.

SiRMa 09/10

Credits to Din

We didn't create the magazine, we only worked as assistants. I feel like we didn't contribute much, like we didn't last year. Apparently it seemed as if it was YOUR batch's magazine. But the last days before school ended, I got the chance to see how you guys work. It was hectic, as I see it. At least... I got a lil' bit real editorial board experience being around you guys. Hee :)

The last moments spent, were amazingly haywire <3
THANKS A BUNCH GUYS!

Dance shock

A junior thought I went clubbing. They were like,

bila kak erin belajar menari a?
Sexy gila kak erin menari.
I didn't know you were that smooth.
Kiterang enjoy gila.

Peers...

Aku sampai menari-nari skali kat tepi ni.
Ish Miley Cyrus Malaysia niii

Though frankly I ain't that good, I'm just flattered :) You guys cheering made me go more boom boom pow. The dance was the way for me to give it all I've been keeping inside my soul. Basically a big thanks to the crowd. You just made my last days so freakin' awesome. Love ya'll! :D

A'an Mior

Days with you in Kuantan. I had a blast, girl!

Inside, who knew?

Every one has their own beauty that attracts certain person.
Apparently I am not to you.

The heart aches, but at the same time it embraces your presences.
Because there is nothing else that can be done.
Because time's running out, it's the only reason.

My bestfriend seemed happier. In fact prettier.
She has grown up. What's the feeling inside? Jealousy?
Of her purdiness? Or of her joyous life?

What's also the feeling inside when knowing your own sister,
tying the knot with a handsome man?

Watching people dressing up prettily,
makes you jealous.
Watching people dance the moves that you should've learnt,
makes you jealous.

It's the matter of the boundaries, girl.
Hold yourself from trying to be those.
You know what's right and wrong. Taqwa. Ittaqullah.

Practice what you've learnt.
The effort doesn't end till you get what you want.


Jodoh...
Pada tangan Allah.
Mungkin aku sedang mempersoalkan nikmat Allah.
Sesungguhnya sebenarnya aku sudah pun sempurna.
Dan sempuran itu merupakan kecantikan seorang insan.

Namun, aku seperti tidak bersyukur dengan apa yang ada pada diriku.
Tiada peminat membuatkan aku berasa begitu.
Dalam keluarganku, padaku, akulah paling kurang kecantikannya.
Yang mana kecantikan dalam konteks ini bermaksud kecantikan luaran yang selalu diuar-uarkan oleh manusia kini.

Aku cemburu. Cemburu pada insan yang si dia amat sayangi.
Aku sering membandingkan diriku dengan insan itu.
Aku cuba menipu diriku bahawa diriku kelihatan lebih anggun daripadanya.
Dalam kamus manusia kini, insan itu sebenarnya lebih menyerlah daripadaku.
Tidak dapat dinafikan. Sifat-sifatnya juga mampu menambat hati seorang jejaka.
Sifat-sifatnya juga mampu menceriakan hari-hari sahabat wanita.

Berbanding diriku ini yang dilabelkan sebagai lelaki.
Sifat feminin jarang-jarang ada pada diriku.
Aku memandang enteng akan penglabelan itu.
Kerana kufikir, aku seperti kakakku.
Kakakku yang agak lasak pada dalamannya.
Tetapi luarannya sangat menarik perhatian.

Aku harus pijak di bumi yang nyata.
Aku bukan kakakku.
Memang tiada siapa pun yang menunjukkan kesukaannya kepadaku.
Memang benar itu terjadi kerana sifat lasakku.

Ibuku tidak ingin perkara yang sama terjadi padaku.
Tidak ingin aku menjijit pelamin pada usia yang tua, bagi seorang gadis sunti.
Oleh itu ibuku menggalakkan aku mempunyai seorang kekasih hati.
Supaya rasa keseorangan tidak melanjut sampai ke tua.
Lagipun, ibuku sudah meningkat tua.
Aku juga takut jikalau apa-apa terjadi.
Bukannya kupinta, tetapi itu lumrah manusia.

Ada kalanya aku berasa amat sedih kerana tidak mendapat kasih sayangnya.
Sekolah yang sama, kelas yang sama.
Manakan tidak aku meletakkan harapan yang tinggi padanya?

Dia sudah pun temui insan yang mampu mencuri hatinya.
Sahabat rapatnya telah memastikan itu.
Tetapi aku kurang yakin. Sikapnya yang tidak serius menimbulkan keraguan.
Tetapi, sudah berkali-kali dia berkata kepadaku,
tidak pernah dia menemui gadis yang mampu tertambat di hatinya sehingga saat itu.
Kadang-kala aku percaya kata-katanya itu. Seperti hatinya yang bersuara.
Aku percaya. Dalam hati kedua-duanya, sedang membunga.
Cemburuku kata kerana mereka hanyalah remaja yang menghidapi jiwa yang bergelora.

Kadang-kala juga aku percaya mereka benar inginkan satu sama lain.
Cuma masa tidak mengizikan. Persekitaran tidak membenarkan.
Mereka menunggu masa.
Walaupun insan itu tidak mengisytiharkan sayangnya,
tetapi sayangnya itu masih terserlah pada lirik wajahnya.

Aku ada berharap bahawa mereka akan berkekalan.
Cemburuku mengatakan hubungan mereka tidak mampu sampai ke langit ke-7.

Mungkin aku ingin hubungan mereka diisytiharkan sendiri,
kerana aku tidak mampu menanggung perasaan sedih ini lagi.
Mungkin jika diberitahu kebenaran itu, aku boleh mengundurkan diri.
Aku boleh berhenti berharap.
Ketidakpastian hubungan mereka membuatkan aku menanam,
walau sebutir harapan padanya.

Mungkin aku kata aku hanya ingin bergembira dengannya,
mempedulikan perasaannya, bergembira dengannya sudah memadai.
Tetapi kadang-kala aku merasakan itu dusta. Kadang-kala.
Disebabkan masa yang singkat, dan tiada apa yang aku boleh buat,
dusta itulah yang harus kulaksanakan.
Itu bukan nifak. Tetapi itu untuk kebaikan diriku, dan semua insan yang berada di sisiku.

Sahabat-sahabatku tidak ingin melihatku sedih.
Siapa pun yang akan mendekatiku jika aku hanya murung sepanjang masa?
Allah itu setiasa berada di sisi hamba-Nya.
Hanya menunggu kata-kata pertolongan dari hamba-Nya.
La Takrabu Zina.
Mungkin itu juga alasan aku mendustakan perasaanku.

Ini bukan masanya.
Apa yang perlu kulakukan adalah taqwa.
Dan serahkan segalanya kepada Allah.
Tampilkan diriku kepada dunia, personaliti yang terbaik.
Kerana untuk mencari jodoh juga perlu ada usaha.

Aku juga pernah terfikir, tidak mengapa jika aku bersifat lasak pada saat ini.
Kerana usia remaja tidak dapat dikembalikan. Masa terus berjalan.
Sebab itu jugalah aku harus terus mengorak langkah ke hadapan.

Akan kuusaha untuk tampil dengan sifat feminin.
Kerana usia 18 tahun sudah pun dewasa bagiku.
Lojik jika aku ingin menanamkan sifat feminin itu.
Kerana selama ini, sekolah menengah hanyalah tempat aku menjadi kanak-kanak.
Kerana itu tidak akan dapat dikembalikan kelak.

Aku sebenarnya punyai kecantikan luaran.
Yang hanya kadang-kala sahaja terserlah.
Bukanlah acap kali.
Mungkin sifat lasakku menutupi kecantikan itu.

Aku juga sebenarnya punyai kepercayaan bahawa aku akan dilamar.
Dilamar oleh seorang insan yang menyayangiku.
Tetapi kecantikan wajahnya, sering diperkotak-katikkan.
Adakah aku akan menikahi jejaka yang tampan, yang biasa, ataupun yang kurang tampannya?
Adakah insan itu akan seperti si dia?
Yang itu, aku risau.

Melihatkan di dunia moden ini, yang tampan pasti bersama yang jelita.
Yang jelita pasti bersama yang tampan.
Yang itu, aku risau.

Tetapi jika aku meniliti, aku terlalu mempunyai persamaan dengan dia.
Kegilaan, ketidakseriusan.
Aku sudah jelas, sepasang suami isteri tidak selalunya sama sifat-sifatnya.
Jadi, mungkin itu sebabnya aku redha.

Pokoknya, aku sebenarnya mempersoalkan kesan kecantikanku kepada hidupku.
Bukanlah sebab lain. Itu benar. Kerana aku gagal mencuri hati walau seorang pun di sana.
Namun persoalan ini amat berbahaya.
Amat berbahaya sehingga bole memesongkan hatiku dari menuju ke jalan Allah.
Seperti orang kafir. Orang kafir yang kufur nikmat.

Namun...
Apabila aku memperhiaskan diriku dengan jubah,
sering aku dilihat amat feminin.
"Bila nak cari shrek?" Pernah ditujukan kepadaku.
Jejaka yang tampan dan tegap juga, acah-acah mendekati diriku,
kerana tubuhku yang ramping.
Tidakkah itu menunjukkan aku hanya mempunyai tubuh yang lawa,
tetapi bukan pada wajah?
Tetapi hati aku berkata aku kelihatan comel walaupun dengan mengenakan tudung itu.
Ditambah lagi dengan baju itu, terserlahlah kecantikan itu.
Tetapi hanya pada saat itu. Hanya pada saat itu.

Lojik ada kata, persoalan ini selalunya timbul pada seorang remaja.
Remaja ingin disukai dan disayangi. Itu tidak boleh dielakkan.
Apa yang harus kulakukan, hanyalah menahan.
Lojik juga mengatakan itu hanyalah nafsu semata-mata.
Sedangkan kau tahu kau akan memperoleh seorang jejaka yang istimewa bagimu.

Mungkin wajah yang tampan hanya akan dipersoalkan sewaktu aku pada usia ini.
Mungkin pada hari kelak, wajah tidak menjadi masalah.
Kata umum, cinta itu membutakan.
Jadi, aku tidak seharusnya resah.

Namun memandangkan harapan masih tertambat di hati,
katakan sahaja kepadanya dan pada dirimu jua,
"Jikalau ada jodoh, kita jumpa lagi."

Pasti insan-insan yang membaca ini tidak percaya, apa yang kuluahkan.
Mereka pasti fikir hatiku tidak ke arah ini, tidak lembut.
Tetapi di dalam, siapa yang tahu?

5A 09/10

Photographer: Meroux

DSLR: Nina

Sure, there are likes and dislikes. But those are a part and parcel of life. Adapting to each other is how we've bonded. Facing the critics has made us grow fonder.

Plainly,
The deepest affect in my life
The best classmates I've ever had
The strongest bond I've ever made

The best that I could not ask for more

Kejelekitan terserlah

Hawa

When your class located just the opposite of Musolla and you happened to sit facing it...

Situation #1
"Siapa baca quran tu weh?"
"Mana? Mana? Usha sikitt."

Situation #2
"Tadi aku ternampak @&#($* solat ohh."
"Ye ke? Rajinnya!"

"Wanita memang tertarik dengan penghuni surau." - Kak Nab.

Anything religious that an Adam does in musolla, is just attractive to the Eves.

Ayah doesn't mind

Buying new sports shoes monthly does not trouble him. To him, I could get the chance to wear various new designs, for rather affordable price. Ain't that cool? :D But still, I hope this brand new pair of sports shoes will last longer than others.

New love

I've no idea when how I was attracted to basketball.
It's just plain fun! The sound that the net makes just add the extra toppings.

What's more, there's going to be an Inter-batch Basketball competition.
I'm so excited! Can't wait :D

Disfigured boy

Ja'i, don't take that white thing off, I wanna see it. Wahah.
Ko memang bertuah dapat cuti. Aq jeles.
Tapi camne ko nak study? Kalau ko nakla haha.
Get well soon, buddy.

Heading off to the battlefield.

#1

Girls, you'll always be at the most top ranking, don't worry.

I never want it to change. If it's not mum, I could always count on you.

You're right. I'm going to have to go through the maze. I cannot get out. The game is a part of me. I'm gambling on this. In or out, the risk is the same. Thorns or holes, I'll get through them imperviously. And I almost forgot my new year resolution, make the best out of everything.
Thank you for zillions.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
...you'll be a man!

p/s, Atul, thanks for the cupcakes. I am now FAT.

You Always

I talk to him, I tell you.
I freak out when I see him, I tell you.
He's written in my diary, you are too.

Time passes by,
Dear diary knows countless new guys
They come and go
But what remains is you

Then I thought
I should stop writing

Yet every time I think of any guy
there's always a picture of you

When girls tell about their guys
can't help but think of you

Just play any song that exists
it must be something to do with you

Even if diary does not know
in my head is always you

For whatsoever reason,
I should just think of You, Allah.

Dream bedroom

Nuna made me yearn for this.
The bedrooms are just sick. Spacious, simple and neat.
Not to forget, GREEN. :)

Really, you don't need to fill up the room if it's big.
Bolehla aku menari gila-gila dalam bilik.
Someday, erin. Someday.

Eating habit

Life in the college has taught me to accept things as they are.
Plainly not everything can turn out your way.
Like main meals DS served? I just stuff ‘em into my stomach - tasty or not.

It's only a matter of surviving. But honestly, sometimes they taste good.

And that's why I always get the same remark, from different persons.

"Aku tengok Erin ni semangat betul makan. Tak kira ah pagi ke, malam ke.
Aku rasa biasa je makanan dia. Suka aku tengok kau makan.
Respect ar kat kau." - Various persons

And it never gets old.

Dazed

Dreamt of him last night. And geez, he was good-looking. Fit shirt, really short-almost-bald hair, he just looked clean. I always preferred him a longer hair.

A dream can be anything you want it to be. But in this case, I don't know what in the world I was thinking, I should have make it sweeter, like all sweet dreams should be.

'Coz something I did in that dream made him leave me. I need a guidebook for controlling dreams.

No dirty thoughts now.

p/s, Dzaed la weh.

Falling-asleep syndrome

My school holiday habit. Can't help it. It happens.

To even bring and touch those books? I had to.

Confession

God, it's so hard to tell you, mum.
When will it be the right time? SIGH.

Reality..

Tiba-tiba sahaja aku mengingati mereka iaitu sejak aku tiba di sini.

Aku tertanya-tanya di dalam hati
apakah yang sedang dibuat oleh mereka ketika ini?

Ah, perpisahan begini membuatkan hati merasa dekat,
padahal di dalam kelas bukan tidak sering antara kami
berselisih pendapat, bertengkar dan bermasam muka.

Barangkali sifat manusia memang begini,
hanya tahu menghargai sesuatu apabila sesuatu itu telah tiada
atau telah jauh daripada kita!

Masing-masing belajar berdikari dan merasakan sendiri
pahit dan manis hidup ini sebenarnya.

- Seteguh Karang

Ainaa, Atul.. I'm scared..

A delayed return

When all the students all over the country were ecstatic about going home, we (Form 5's) were busy attending PGG - Program Gerak Gemilang - for eight, long days. At first I thought it was such a torment. But as time passed by, I was getting to love it and hoped it went longer. It was all plainly because home is not the place for me to stay too long. There are too many attractions! Dang it, I gotta keep reminding myself.

Staying in school ain't that bad. I had fun with my mates :D

By the way, I've never achieved 80+ for English. It's pathetic.

Reputation

Erin, you cannot be ignorant with your upcoming results. There's still time.
You need to maintain your reputation. And live up to teachers' faith.

New crush

Currently in love with Kurt Hugo. Since Thursday. Hahah!
He's soo handsome, like the younger version of Jason Mraz.

Too bad I'm going to leave him soon! For a month!
Don't know if there would still be an admiration for him. Hmmm.

All green

New stuffs. Green sports shoes, green bottle, green towel. What else? I'm obsessed with green. That's why shopping gives me a hard time sometimes. Greens are just so limited.


p/s : I ate Nando's for dinner today. Now, how can I not be fat?

p.p/s : And some full-spoon of Secret Recipe's cake as what - my supper?!
Luckily I'm leaving home by tomorrow morning.

Study Of Life

You never aroused me. My heart did not once welcome you. It was locked and only the chosen ones survived, with all my care.

I took a gamble by taking you as my tenth. Just for the sake of staying there. It was gut-wrenching.

Never did I care to put you high up in my chart. Never did I care to aim you for the moon when perhaps you could fall on the stars.

You were sickening me. Reading you lines by lines did not make any difference. It was to no avail.

Upon a critical level, I had to love you. So I tried. I poured out all the bad things about you. The gate of acceptance was hesitantly unlocked - I opened my heart for you.

It was indeed a wise thing to do. For I have loved you so dear, and craved to know you better. Slowly you were within my grasp.

I knew actually, that there would be one time where you would interest me. And you were faithfully waiting. It was just a matter of time.

But you should know, I will not let you lead my life. I will not gamble again for my future. I fear you.

You are interesting, you really are. But my heart. There is still a small portion deep in my heart that does not deserve you.

And you should know, I am not my sister.

Junkfood after junkfood

Carl's Jr. for yesterday and Pizza for today. You're not home to gain FATS, Erin! Darn. Anyway, how could I refuse to accept free pizza?

The pizzas were actually for Syahbandar kawad. I stuffed in three slices of pizzas, and even brought home half of the whole pizza. There were too many extras. Alhamdulillah, rezeki. Bukan tak malu eh, Atul! :P

As you can see, I wore SAB ko-q t-shirt. So it made some of my peers there could not recognize me. Perhaps they just saw another SABian. I just blended in the crowd.















Some teachers gave me strange looks when they glanced at me and looked away. I kept on looking at them, just waiting for them to take another look.

And so they did, "Eh, you!"

That kind of notice made me flattered ;) I always won't miss the chance to visit SAB whenever I come home. And so I was labelled as a frequent visitor. Others didn't have the chance to do so. Well, it's really easy for me to visit my old school 'coz apparently it's a walking distance.

"Siap main tennis lagi," Afiq Danial said.

It's a bonus for me I guess. Anyways, what should I do with this fats?

4 days in Terengganu

KEJORA Zon Timur

Regardless of missing too many lessons and my bad results in Standardized I, there was no turning back. There were three things that made me determined to go:

• to visit Kuala Terengganu,
  
• to know how it actually feels to represent a school,
  
• and plainly just because I was the chosen one so I thought, if not me, who else?

Unfortunately...
I got back to Kuantan without contributing even one medal. PATHETIC -_- Honestly, I didn't expect to win anything. No proper training and the teachers could care less. It lead us to abandoned so-called athletes.

But what made it all worthwhile was when I did a 4x400m dash.

Best gila dapat potong dua orang masa dah 120m terakhir. Aku ingatkan diorang bertahan, atau nak lagi pecut. Rupanya dah pancit! HAHAH. Dengan senang nya aku membuka langkah and potong diorang. Diorang dah memang tak larat nak potong balik - terpaksa pasrah memberiku jalan. Bwahaha. Tapi aku hanya mampu memberi tempat ke-4. Sebab orang yang ketiga tu dah jauh sangat. Takkan la aku ni yang lari tah apa apa, nak pecut kejar dia kot? I know my limit, based on the trainings (tak training gila mana pun).

Aku rasala, yang aku lari relay 4x4 tu la yang paling laju pernah aku lari untuk 400m. Sebab aku bukak langkah all the way, siap potong dua orang lagik. Takde nak simpan simpan lagi tenaga. Memang all out, yang aku mampu. All out sebab tu la acara terakhir yang akan kubertanding masa tu. Malangnya aku tak tahu rekod aku berapa. Tapi tidak mengapa, kerana aku yakin bahawasanya aku telah buat yang terbaik untuk maktab dan untuk kepuasan diriku.

Perkara yang paling menarik duduk sana bila dapat makan keropok leko banyak-banyak apatah lagi bila bukan dari perbelanjaanku sendiri. Memanjang je orang belanja. Wahaha. Lagi satu bila dapat air MILO free. Memang balun 3-4 cawan la kan. Siapa tak nak air free? MILO pulak tu. Marvelous habis lah.

Oh oh, aku rasa itu yang kedua menarik. Perkara pertama yang menarik sekali bila aku dapat bergambar dengan sorang mamat ni. HAHAH. Hensem gila. Dia memang bertuah sangat. Dia patut bersyukur dapat appearance macam tu. Malangnya gambar tu ada kat member aku. Jadik, lain kali la aku tunjuk ya! (Kalau aku nak la).

p/s: Best la pulak blog dalam BM walaupun tak asli.

**More pictures to come soon. Well, for a month.

Bloated

Abandoned

Like it's no use of having a blog when I don't update for more than a month. Actually I would not want to update my blog when I'm there. Just connecting to the internet is suicide enough. But if I didn't come home, there would be another month for abandoning this pity blog. Nonetheless, what's important is the present. So let's roll!

Pavillion
It turned out that I got there first. Fortunately his late arrival gave me the chance to survey the dresses - for after so long. The dresses were so lovely! Yet, going to Padini made me think of Atul. The blue and green checked dress reminded me of 'Ainaa. And the heart ached for missing the old days. That's the way it was meant to be. At that instant, I realized how boring it was not have someone to accompany me. I've always been alone in the college. Sob. Ja'i was guilty too for coming late.

And you made me wait further when you were checking things out -.- I was starving man!

Carl's Jr.

So at last, this was our main goal. For lunch. Precisely, our heavy branch. Because of Ja'i craving for Carl's Jr. and no want else to accompany him - pity youu, I did him a favour. Dude, you should thank me for this :P **Bukan nak belanja! Anyway, it was my first time.

The burger I ordered was so delicious! But after some bites, not even close to half, it felt like I've eaten the whole burger. FYI, we took more than half an hour to finish the burger. Longer for Ja'i anyways :P He seemed tormented when finishing the burger. HAHAH! His burger was very yummy but too big and fat that you have to open your mouth really widely. Well, that's what you get at higher price.

It was worth it for once in a long time. Note: Not to eat frequently. Coz there's plainly too much calories!

Later we made our way to Hang Tuah station. It was a new adventure and discovery for me. Baru nak kenal KL dengan mendalam xD Frankly, I didn't feel it was that far. Perhaps a companion could make me feel that way. And the fact that it was drizzling. Is it usual that it's raining in KL every evening lately? Yet the distance burnt some of our calories, like Ja'i said.

And so we parted to our own ways. Tak kesah pun. There's another more than six months seeing each other. Note that sarcasm.

Loss

I hate it when, I know for sure that I didn't bring them out from home, and when I go searching for it, like every single place - hidden even, but still I found nothing. NOTHING. Where could it be? STOLEN? Who the heck want to steal my phone USB?! And it's in my room?! I am so sure there ain't no one breaking my house (alhamdulillah). I think this toyol stole my things. ARGH.

Not a good start

Today began with a terrible painful stomach ache. If it happened at day, then I won't mind that much. Unfortunately, it stroked in the middle of the night, when I was having a wonderful dream! But on the bright side, my stomach has gone flat as it should be. Now I feel relieved. I thought I was gaining the flabby abs so quickly -.-

The day went on with finishing up assignments. In the evening, as usual, I hit the court, with dad and my brothers. I freaking suck on forehand. The size of my arm explains.

Oh, my tummy's grumbling. I better stuff in something now.

Prep

Random things happened today. Prep at SAB. Lowyat. Meeting your schoolmate. More randomness. Nothing was planned. Perhaps I felt secure being around my best buds. Like I knew nothing was going to break us when we were together. Such a feeling is hard to find. Although I sort of tried to get away from you guys - for no reason, you guys always come around. With no gayness here, you guys just plainly complete me :D

Absofreakinglutely

Coraline: Are you coming?
Tyler: Wait, let me check my diary... Are you kidding me? Absofreakinglutely!

I want to wish my gratitude to the person who has planned to do KADET POLIS marching practice. It's because of you, I've got the chance to see Atul and Ainaa :D, without me having to spend my money and asking dad to send me to your houses everyday :P - not that I intend to. HAHA!

So leaving Atul with her kawad, we played tennis for a bit. We didn't play that well due to empty stomach. I, in addition, was feeling guilty because my life at home is not balanced so far. Dad said I played too much but less reading. He was right. My parents are always right, I just could not argue -_-. Studying has to be constant. Holiday does not mean keeping education away. It is the chance for me to catch up with anything I overlooked.

So much for guilty... I only filled in three pages of blanks. Ainaa on the other hand eventually went into the wonderland. I was hoping the time to go slower, for there were many more pages to be filled in! But the thought of cinema was too intriguing. For the first time ever, I did not care on what movie to watch. Being way too long in boarding school can do that to me.

In result, we watched Remember Me, starring Robert Pattinson. Just so you know, we had a hitch in getting into the cinema. On the web it certainly stated that it was a PG13 movie. But when we got there, they said it was a freaking 18PL movie. We were pissed off. But still, we got through.

Before going home, we had to buy Dark Mocha at Starbucks. It was just too yummy to miss it. We hung a few - including snapping pictures - then parted at the escalator. Thankfully I didn't have to spend money on transportation :P

Kadet Laut

Our total marks were the same as scout's. But because of our tidiness, we've lost to them. So we got the fourth. Sad? Yes. But not deeply, 'coz I could see that our effort was not much enough than of the winners. We barely practice our marching. Only once a week when there was only 5 weeks left. Can you imagine that? But still, fourth is kind of an achievement. With only that bit of effort. Thanks to our coach, Staff Shawal ;)
By the way, our girl's uniform was said to be 'hot'. Haha :P

This tough guy here is Anas. He keeps bugging me for pictures. Betul2 capub. Haha. P/s, I did not look my best here. See that baray? WEIRD.

Good news is, the burden's off! Now it's time to work that brain.

Four golds baby!

I bet my old friends could not believe this. I've never won even a gold in my life. Well, since childhood. The great thing is, Tok Sira, a GREEN house won the first place! Yeah. Finally in my five years being in a green house. Thankfully no kawad competition among the houses. Or not, we're doomed.
To A'an, I somehow stole your idea for that sepanduk. They ain't look that good compared to yours though ;) It was a last minute work anyway and we were not free to just get out and buy things. In result, of course we did not win for perhiasan khemah. Still good coz we did not get the last. Hehe.

If only I got one more, I could've get that olahragawati title. On the bright side, I've contributed kind of lots in the victory of the green house ;)

Miss it

I missed the freaking last chance that I had. It wasn't intentional to go there. It was only guts. In just those split seconds, I've thought of all the possibilities and uncertainties... It came to nothing. You just passed by.

Hectic early year moments AGAIN

As usual every year in school, I'm always busy with school programs.

1. Kawad Kadet Laut
   
I want us to be fired up to do this. I hate to hear people saying that only Girl Guide, KRM, and Boy Scout can win. Anyway, not to get low self-esteem, but only around three weeks of practice to brush up the basics + one formation is too short to date.


2. House practice @ Tok Sira @ Green
   Which, happens the same way as in SAB. I'm like so unfortunate to be in this kind of rumah sukan. The leader is no offence but does not know how to lead us. See, just the same.


3. Civic portfolio
Have to send it next week, and I haven't even start a thing. A simple assignment always the hardest.


4. S.E.M. Project Type III
   
One goal that we wanna achieve is to finish this freaking project. It's not like 'melepaskan batuk di tangga'. Just that, I think our project is not original and we're too late to change it. So we're just going to move on with it.

So many things to tell to my parents and dear friends but our rare meeting would make it more memorable. But it's alright, it's okay, I'm the artist in my world. I paint it how I want it to be.

"Crush, you will always be my could-but-never-will-be." - letterstocrush

I think it's impossible and I like it just the way it is now ;)

Packing up

Darn. I have so many stuffs to bring to school. Many books, precisely. How am I gonna stuff the pile of books in my room? They're just too many. Swell. I need to sort them out. I think I have crap books that I'm bringing. Oh what the heck, it's going to be my second home. I'll barely come back to hometown. Hmm.

Anyway, this notebookdoodles, she inspires me. Now I'm so determined to write a lil bit of my every day life. Twenty ten is going to be my last year of schooling and I want to cherish it every day. Like I said in my previous entry, time's running out. This determination suddenly comes to me because I was kind of frustrated when I couldn't know what exactly happened in my new school, like how my progress is going and how the heck I like being there?

Back in Japan, I wrote everything that has happened for every day I was there. It's like a traveling journal. And it was worth it. Because when I relive the past by reading them, I'd know what I've done right and wrong. That as a reminder of myself to not do the wrong thing again and learn from my mistakes. But then, since I stepped into this boarding school, I've never had time. There should've been because it is as if I'm 'muhasabah diri'. Jolting it down is much more a relief than whispering to myself at night.

Blogging can do me that favour but I won't have a simple access to wi-fi or laptop. So now I'm determined to have that fancy ringed diary. I'm on a mission, which is my next new year resolution:

Summarise every day with simple words; short and sweet.

The past year

I should be hanging out with my siblings like we usually do. Sadly, they are away from home. So this year is just another year. I don't get excited neither do I get nervous. Heck, I was doing my assignment as the firecrackers went off. Sounds pathetic, huh.

My friends are posting about 2009. I find them interesting. Let me share some beautiful experiences.

• Ended my 1 year and 3 months specs - a record that I've made among other specs. Gonna make this new one longer :P
  
• Having metals in my mouth - a trend nowadays.
  
• Survived staying in Kuantan for four weeks - should I try more?
• Did a public speaking in front of a quite big crowd whom I see every day - I got positive responds. Thanks guys ;)
• Once played tennis at night until 11.30pm. It was heck a lot of fun! - Hard to repeat that in SPM year (just a stupid excuse).
• Got three 100% marks straight for accountancy subject - just lucky.
  
• Entered Petrosains for the first time - just because Atul was there.
  
• Had the best hang out with my close friends from MRSM!
  
• Bought too many handbags. Haha.
  

Hmm yeah. As Atul said, it's hard to think of the things happened. Well, I could always browse through the blog archive. The ones that I listed are those that I didn't have the chance to talk about. It was heck of a year ;)

My one important new year resolution?

Just live every day like I'm running out of time.
I learnt it the hard way.