Natural feeling

When the song Mine, by Taylor Swift was played on the radio, I was starstruck. I don't know what that song wholly means. But to me, to my own dictionary of life, it is about a girl, that is very grateful to have had a guy that makes her life so wonderful in the past five years. Although she couldn't have him, she still cherishes him.

No kidding. Although this current guy has made me feel loved, I still can't forget that guy in between times. Ainaa was right, that of course most guys would just play you at this age. But behind all those, when I told Ainaa, I've seen his good side, soft spots. Ainaa was right that, in the future, he'll be a good guy.

I could see that. He has shown his faithfulness to the girl. And that sometimes kills me. Like I'm really pissed off because of their relationship. Like I hoped I was in the girl's shoes. And I still have this picture, where he would go to me someday, after having a terrible break up with the girl. And like, I'm the best friend that you should have gone to.

Bertuah tak dia dapat kau? Bagi aku, dia sangat bertuah. 'Kadang-kadang aku rasa tak bertuah bila tengok hot chicks,' kau kata. So what? Ko still faithful kat dia. Aku nampak itu. But that's the thing that I wouldn't get, would I? No.

Maybe ni masih lagi permainan hati. Coz after we hung out, the feeling came again. You're still in my mind, coz we hung out. Coz you still text me in IM. And you fooled me when you escorted me half way home, which actually didn't mean anything to you. But of course, why should I say something when I don't want anything? Come to think of it, I could tell that I have liked you, that you were right, when you said I liked you. And after that I could say just telling what has been bottling up inside. I wouldn't expect you to say anything. But then, it'd be more awkward to ask me to lepak sama-sama. Sigh. What a drama. If you don't say anything, erin, the drama's off. So just let it be.

I just can't lie. He still gives me this deep admiration to him. Would I ever forget you? Yes, erin. It's not possible. Distance will make you grow less fond of him. It's for the better. Whatever you know. Sometimes I hoped that we are going to be in the same university. Crazy, right? But whatever it is, kalau ada jodoh, kita jumpala lagi. Kalau ada. Kalau takde, Allah dah tentukan orang yang lagi baik. Seeing this current guy liking me, I think I will get someone like him, and better, insyaAllah. And that you should continue what you have learnt in school. The boundaries and all. InsyaAllah. I want the perfect love. The almost perfect ones, will follow up. InsyaAllah.