#29

The more I try, the more I feel lost.

I feel unworthy and it's nobody else's fault.

I'm sorry mom.

#28

A really good post appeared on my timeline and I’m thankful that I did not unfollow her. Because I believe she’d share food for my soul.

Sometimes I feel guilty to mute everyone except for my family and extended family from mom’s side. Even my close friends. But I know that I don’t like how I feel when I see other people’s updates. My thoughts are devil and I don’t want to wish bad upon people nor I want to compare or feel sad about myself. 

Or if a post makes me angry because how unempathy someone is. It’s called penyakit hati as the above post stated. 

So I mute. 

And again as the above post stated, it’s better that I look at other people’s kekurangan supaya saya dapat lebih bersyukur dan juga mendoakan orang tu dan juga mendoakan sesiapa yang terlintas di fikiran yang saya dah mute tu. 

So unfollowing, blocking, unfriend, mute — it’s not wrong. And people shouldn’t feel offended if someone does that to them. 

Everyone has their own shit to deal with. Shrugs. 

#27

The other day I realised that if I don’t feel like I can be close with anyone, to tell anything without the fear of being judged… it’s my cousins. This raya made me really see that and that I’ve neglected my family and extended for such a long time. Sigh. If not them then who?