#609

I was searching for a good caption for my post, regarding missing someone. And an Islamic view of that appeared.  

"Sehari tinggal Al-Quran, rasa rindu."

Allahu. And I think we should actually have that kind of feeling strongly towards Allah and our Prophet SAW. It's hard to find it, but that's that.

I also realise, that I have so much love to give. Which I should focus on my husband :')

#608

Listening to Tones and I's "Never Seen the Rain"

The vibe makes me miss Mad, An and Atul so much 😅 Like I’m laughing here being happy but I miss laughing with them. Bittersweet memories ❤️

#607

A thought crossed my mind, that I might appear noob. Like indah khabar dari rupa. Like, people say I’m pro, but when I play other roles/heroes LIVE, I’m so below average. Younomsayin? But then again. To hell what people say xD I’ll just do my thang and improve where I can. 

#606

I came late today to work but I realised one thing.

That the people around me are so kind-hearted, supportive, 'sporting', easy-going that you can ask them for opinion or tell them things without afraid of being judged.

Either in stream (certain circle) or in office.

Despite the fact that I can't fit in with my friends, it's okay. It's like my own family/siblings. I can't expect to fit in xD

Oh Allah I'm actually very privileged. CRYING

#605 hati tisu?

Why is it that I am easily affected by someone who gives negative gestures to me? For example, showing middle finger at me because they are mad at me. It happened just now on the road. I know it was my fault though. I definitely cannot recall if I had glanced before I changed lanes.

I was so affected too, even when Dad received that same remark on the road. At that time, I think Dad was not wrong. I felt so angry at that person that I almost cried.

This does not happen when I was being shout at for my lack of work or things like that. Like, if my boss or my parents get mad at me.

So I wonder now, why is it so easy for me to cry when they give negative hate gestures on me?

That's one thing. Another is that I cried so bad, when I heard the story of our friend, being kind of blackmailed and exposed by his own then girlfriend, especially when it involves maksiat. Because... we have been there, and done that. I understand his situation, being in black hole. He seems like a good person too. I mean, he knows the word, "marifatullah"??? Haha. That's something bro.

#604

I wanted to talk about Sterk Production collaborated live stream, and about solah. But something happened yesterday. 

I miss my friends so much that I cried. I miss making them laugh. Their happy faces. Like, I do want to share my happy news and stories to them and see them light up. All this while it has been just me telling sad stories. 

Having the chance to virtually hang out with potential girl squad made me miss my friends even more. It also made me realise that no one can ever replace them.

I know I can't force things. But that's just how I feel.

#603

I know it’s obvious now that we have our own lives and that I’m the least to keep in touch among us (don’t know if there’s still us). But when it comes to feel like I need to reach out, it’s always them that crossed my mind. It’s okay if this feeling is not reciprocated, I still want to reach out to them. But I don’t. And I couldn’t. I wouldn’t know what to say, how to say it. I’m not sure exactly what I’m afraid of.

#602

A mindset of being a parent is defined by 'not enjoying life' is so bad that it needs to stop. People often say something like just be single and you can enjoy life. Like, is not having kids enjoyable? 

It does and it should be. Why it doesn't is because of the negative mindset.

I just really dislike it when people say something like, she's a mom, the other is pregnant, the other two are enjoying their life (as single women). It's like... wow hey, check back your caption girl.

Nonetheless, it is actually understandable and no offense is meant and taken. Especially if you see from the person's point of view, and the people that knows him/her.

#601 hoarse

Watching women live streamers, I'm thankful that my voice is not soft, rather hoarse lol Because I myself feel like geli geli if my voice is soft. Like it gives a different negative feel to listeners. 

Imagine a guy listens to your soft voice? Lol

If I'm attracted to a guy because of their manly deep voice, then a guy could be attracted to a girl because of her voice too xD

Lately I've been so attentive to girls' voices, like how even that their voices are so soft as compared to me. 

Still I'm thankful that my voice is kinda deep. My ex-colleague literally teased me with my deep voice. I could not forget that. At the time when I was teased, I kinda terasa. But then as time goes by, I'm thankful for it.

It gives me ease to talk to people without feeling guilty myself. I'm not blaming soft-voiced girls. It's natural, we are born with what we already have. So no blame is put on anyone lol

#600

One of the things that I look forward everyday is new blog posts from my close friends. Like, I really don't like Instagram. To me, it gives a different vibe. But blogs? It feels special.

#559

Lesson 7 of Thriving in the Digital World with Kindness

I think this is more to... creating a community, wanting to be heard by at least someone, etc, and not for personal use.

Because, as a post I've read on Mad's blog, it's, "Don't let anyone get the privilege of getting to know you." (-so easily).

I agree, for marketing, to be heard, if not for business, you need to do all that mentioned.

But me? I like to post photos on IG out of context. An emoji inserted, would be just because. A simple caption, incomprehensible, would be just because. 

Like for me, no, you don't need to know why I take and post this photo. Let them interpret however they like, be it negative or positive. A photo gives a thousand stories. And I know for a fact that, to avoid fitnah, you just simply don't post a photo that invites fitnah. Easy lol We are human with brains, akal.

I don't want people to understand what I actually want to portray or express. I like to make things out of context. I don't want any engagements. I just love my photos as they are. Well, that's just my way of using my personal IG.

Nevertheless, since I started live streaming, I have come to realise that some people like me for the person that I have portrayed. Those people who stayed, who still wants to hang out and watch me, to treat them, within the boundaries. Because during live streaming, I don't think I've become other person but myself. It is my own character. I did not create it. It has been inside me all along. And I might have nurtured her and she has grown and developed with me.

I agree that that character during live streaming is not the same as when I am not streaming, or when I am in front of a different crowd or party. It's the same as how you act differently in front of your family or your friends or your boss or your colleagues. Shrugs.

You can say that it is a persona that only lives in front of a camera. But, I'm okay with it. As long as I don't go against syariah, or that I lie to myself.