#10

I always fail to stop comparing myself and stopping myself from feeling that tid bit of jealousy. 

Maybe that's the exercise that I need for my soul. Because every single time it happens, I need to do that exercise, to fight my evil thoughts and feelings and replace it with dua's for them. 

Is it actually the numbers that bother you? The friendliness? The community? The amount of comments? The amount of likes? And your page lately is just... in huge downfall. 

Remember who are still with you, Erin. And one person suffice to be as a reminder that the amount is not important. 

And be thankful, as Allah has given you so much more than you know and see.

#9

Now I understand why I couldn't or stopped watching chick flicks films. And even chick flicks drama or series. Because I hate feelings. It brings me to a dark place. I'd rather animes like Attack On Titan no kidding. I mean, there are feelings involved in animes but that's not the theme, like the obvious drama series ya'kno what I mean?

The closest I am to chick flicks is songs now. Itu pun I'm trying to always listen to Quran recitation for most of the time. It's not that I don't acknowledge the *feelings*. It's the fact that I acknowledge them well enough to control it by turning back to Him.

May He always guide me in everything I do. 

#8

I wonder who's the 1 and only viewer on my blog. It's definitely not Ha. Anyway. 

It's the time of the month, and I'm at work, and I feel very emotional. I decided to listen to my liked songs on Spotify since 11:30am and it shuffled to a song... Never Seen the Rain by Tones and I. It resonates so much on whatever I'm feeling and going through right now. Not being ungrateful but really, something just feels off. And I've been putting the song on loop for a few hours now.

It feels heavy. And I know, and always know that songs other than messages from Allah, especially the Quran, would divert you, from remembering Him. So this song, I just make it so that it relates to Him. Lean on Him. 

On the way to work, we were talking about celebrating Aidil Fitri in Jannah. Amin. Like, to think again about it, it's true, and it's fine. Because, just like how those people in Pal3stine suffer, they get to celebrate in Jannah.

Allahu. I just miss... life.

#7

Don't think too much of how much people appreciate you. Don't be into deep on how much people praise you. It's gonna eat you up inside with ego and pride, riak, ujub, dan takabbur. So pray, that you are prevented from that.

Don't yearn on people's praises, but Allah's.

Okay, Erin?

Ya Allah, jauhkanlah kami dari sifat riak, ujub, dan takabbur.

#6

The death of a friend, shows that what you own, the material things in this world, mean nothing when you’re gone. 

But what impact you give to people, does. 

Idk what I’m doing with my life. I just hope it’s for the better of people. 

Hablum minallah. Hablum minannas. 

Please forgive me. 

#5

After I entered this industry, I got to know this amazing person.

Recently she sent a long text which included really important stuff. And I felt not just obliged, but also honoured and responsible for my reply to her. Because truth is, I never written solely from my own words to most of the people in this industry. So, I wrote a huge one, with in mind that I should not be about me or I. It should be about her and her beloved. 

And it struck me that, I guess we are the old school kind of person. Like, I miss emails. You wouldn't be expected to reply after a reply. Like, that's it, ya know. You don't need to reply with an emoji or whatever word. 

But then, when you know you have mutual feelings about it, I guess one or the other wouldn't feel burdened to reply. 

Mutual feelings remind me about Atul and Mad. I didn't know Atul was gonna be there only after Adli mentioned it. I was kinda bummed honestly but then I chose not to go. But please though, I hope there are more invitations even though my stupid lazy ass is hard to be convinced to go outside with my friends, because Ha is okay with it. So I should be able to push myself. Like you need to understand, introverts need pushing. It ain't about not being sincere. 

Welp. I had many things in mind but I haven't performed Maghreb prayer so insyaaAllah will update soon.

Oh, it's about... despite me being so anxious about how people have taken advantage of me, Allah has sent more reminders to come back to Him and remind me to keep doing good. That's what I always tell myself though. Do what Allah loves. And that's what arwah always tell the people around him subhanallah. 

she did not mind much about her anonymity lately though. 

#4

I feel like there’s so much hatred in my heart right now that I feel so distant from Allah. I hate this negative feeling towards people… not just people but specific people. May Allah give me ease and soften my heart ❤️‍🩹