#37

To have this realisation about hereafter and jihad, like really see it, almost to complete realisation, is a blessing. Like masyaaAllah. I've gained so many during Ramadhan when I thought I'm just the same person before.

Like what I saw a post on IG explore, what I can do in my control, is being a good person, a good Muslim, a good servant of Allah, and make lots of dua for our brothers and sisters. That is our jihad here, if going there physically is out of our control. And Allah sees our deeds even as big as zarah, a particle. 

And what I have, the things I see, ponder and reflect, most people don't see it, especially during this end of time (akhir zaman). I mean, there are a lot more that I don't know, but Allah grant me this realisation and I'm always sharing it with my husband. 

I am a sinner. I sin. But I have the realisation. So it scares me. But still you need to have faith in Allah.

The approach to the people in this era is just, be good to people, show goodness and kindness, pray that there are no ill thoughts and that we do this for the sake of Allah.

I've been feeling this way since I had to read the translations of Quran because I was in menstruation. I never did. Although I only read the surface, and not dive into deep on the bigger meaning of the stories in the Quran, I still get what basically it is trying to say. So I hope I am always reminded, always turning to Quran, as Quran is a reminder to us. I pray it's not just during Ramadhan, but until the end of dunya.

So it also scares me for my brothers and sisters, but I try, the least I can do, is just do good.

Actually, I am here, because I feel empty. Like I have nothing else to do, like I'm also scared for tomorrow to work, because streaming, putting myself out there is just something else. If it was Ramadhan, I'll be trying to read the Quran and its translations. I did some, but some stories are just too heavy that I have to stop ^^"

The other reason I'm here is because people are busy beraya. Video-calling each other (because of covid) or physically visiting each other. So here we don't have anything else to do. Because everyone has their own thing. Don't tell me do activities with your husband. Dude, we do everything together. 24/7. I NEED PEOPLE.

I feel guilty to reach out more to my girls because I don't feel I deserve their little time. So a wish would suffice I guess. 

You know what, since I'm here, let's talk about the blessings of today. 

Subhanallah. SO MANY. Although it only lasted from Subuh to 12pm, still, alhamdulillah.

- I woke up for Subuh! 
- Dua rakaat before Subuh
- I was able to do this because of my eagerness to really, really Solat Raya because from what I can remember, I only did twice in my lifetime. One was in Melbourne, two was in Perak. And I can't even remember the sweetness of those, or if I have ever felt that sweetness, if I have ever felt to appreciate Aidil Fitri.
- I learnt about Sunnah on Aidil Fitri, which alhamdulillah we have done most of it. It's sunnah to wish each other <3 <3 Subhanallah, how I have neglected that because I thought it's just another day~
- Another sunnah, eat before solat raya!
- Another, wearing new clothing.
- To be able to video call my in-laws
- WhatsApp video call with my parents <3 How they looked so happy that we did :') :'( <3
- Husband cooked mihun xD
- Sister in-law sent us laksa dan nasi goreng sedap!!!
- Makan nasi goreng for dinner and also teh tarik! Bless everyone who cooks for people from their heart <3

Welp. Alhamdulillah