#41

 Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

So watching how Kim RS*'s CCV has risen up got me in the feels to be honest. Coz they won the season, there's a mic check where he was the funniest, he's playing some surah or qaseedah as background music (good for him, he seems to be prone to that since he always share posts about the deen), and lately for a few months or days he has constantly streamd after Subuh like what I have done.

His views skyrocketed. Rezeki dia. Rezeki awal pagi lepas subuh. Tapi rasanya dia dah live sebelum subuh lagi.

Also, if not about all those struggles and work mentioned above, it's his rezq. 

Seeing this, if even I was announced as one of them as a content creator, I won't put my hopes too high.

This thing was lingering in my mind last night. Like I couldn't sleep because of it. 

It's already hard to meet the watch minutes required. So to get that partnership for the next year? I pray so. If that's the best for us, ya Allah, ya Muhaimin. To be honest I only started doing things for myself just this year. No more depending on our friend or even the significant other. Only depend on Allah, but seek for help and advice.

At the end of the day, it's you who need to go through it. 

So what I'm telling myself is, you need to chill, do your best. Don't neglect your responsibility for W*VS. 

I know I have a whole lot potential that I haven't shown or nurture or hone to get that popularity. A good kind of popularity. Just to spread good. In the end I just wanna help people. 

It felt so bad in August 2020, but May 2021 is the worst. We might go worst than this but only Allah knows best. Again, I just need to move forward and give my best to serve the community. Like Adli said, this is good for the community.

And like speakpureislam said, we need to talk to ourselves out of something or into something. 

That's what I always do. To convince yourself not to do or do.

May Allah guide us on the right path.